The story of the twins: Part 5

I am posting these updates retroactively.  It's actually August 1, but I feel like this is an important part of my life to share.  These posts were originally on a message board, but since my blog is something like my journal, I wanted to have the story here as well.  Also, I'm sure I'll mention these events in the future, so I want the background available.  And, just maybe, my story will help someone else who is going though the same thing.

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Still here.  7 days down.  

I had a really rough night last night.  I lost a dried apricot-sized clot around 7 pm, and freaked out a little bit.  I spent the rest of the evening just laying down and taking it easy, trying to feel Baby Girl moving.  I started bleeding a little more, but that seems normal, since something detached and came out.  I felt a little better after nothing else happened, and even managed to get to bed early.

But I must have gotten up 4 or 5 times overnight just to check and see if I was bleeding.  I'd lay there in bed, and it would feel like my pad was sopping wet, or that blood was just running out of me...  And I'd go to the bathroom and there would be nothing.  Not that I'm complaining that it was nothing, but it sure didn't make for a restful night.  On top of it all, I had some gas from my prenatal, and every time I'd feel *something* moving around in my pelvis, I'd kind of freak out a bit until I was sure what it was.

I was going to go back to work full time starting tomorrow, but maybe I'll wait for that magic 2 week mark.  Hopefully then I'll be sleeping a little better and/or more relaxed.  I'm kind of an emotional mess today. 

Later:  I ended up passing another little clot, so I called my midwife.  She was on her days off, but still spent about a half hour on the phone talking with me.  She agrees that if I'm going to miscarry at this point, it will be a big, physically traumatic thing.  Not like I'll just sit down on the toilet and have a baby fall out with no warning.  I sort of assumed as much, but it was nice to hear it from someone else.  She encouraged me to stay positive, since my body has done everything it could so far to keep Baby Girl safe, and even though I'm bleeding more, it's pretty obviously in response to losing clots and not totally random.  

I'm still just having a rough day.  All I want to do is cry.  It's so freaking HARD to not know what's going to happen, on top of having lost one baby already.  I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this pregnancy without having a mental breakdown.