11/12/2008

Muddling through

Or, another post in which I whine about my life. I feel like I've been griping a lot lately. Maybe I have. Maybe I have something to gripe about... But I hate feeling like a whiner, so hopefully this will be the last of it. I just need to get it all out of my system, I think.
Although everything with the house and our lives are basically the same as they were 10 years ago, I feel much worse about it all. With the loss of our pregnancy, I feel like the rose-colored glasses have come off. I hate the house, and it's never-ending list of projects. I feel like we haven't accomplished anything in 3 years, even though I know logically that's not true. I completely understand now how the PO's could just say "fuck it" and put up paneling. 3 years ago, when we moved in, the house at least looked habitable. Now it's something of a train wreck. Every room I walk into, all I can see is how many unfinished projects there are or how I wish the room looked.

And we do have the living room. The one room of sanity. But instead of being my inspiration, I now feel like it's taunting me. It's telling me that this is what the rest of the house could look like if I'd get off my lazy ass and work on it.

I know I'm not really seeing things how they are. I wish I could come into the house and see it with an unjaundiced eye. All my friends tell me that they love our house, so it really can't be that bad. It just feels like it...

5 comments:

Jenny Kerr said...

I hope you get to feeling better soon! What I've seen of your house from pics on the blog it doesn't look that bad. I can understand how you feel that way though. I like our house, I haven't even lived in it yet but I am already sort of ... not disappointed, but I feel "blah" about it cause I spend too much time looking at other people's renovations. LOL. We aren't able to drop $10,000 to have custom window seats put in or $25,000 to have people come restore our exterior for us. On top of buying a very cheap house and plans to cheaply renovate it, our house is very plain. We don't have Mahogany floors in every room, marble fireplaces, pressed tin ceilings or any of the overt loveliness that I see in all the other homes. That in itself is discouraging to me, and like I said I haven't started yet! lol. To begin with something everyone will look down their noses at is rough... at least you started out with something cool! Think of it that way!

Di said...

When we bought the house, I didn't think we had started with something cool either. It's a pretty utilitarian house, as arts and crafts style homes go. We have no built-ins, to fireplaces, no coffered ceilings, no stained glass. Just a plain-jane farmhouse. But the more I work on it, the more I appreciate it (well, most days!). It has an elegant simplicity, which is very mch my style. And by not having a lot of ornamentation, I am free to bring in whatever I like, without being afraid of it not "going with" the house. I used to have fits of house-envy every time I looked at a bungalow, but now I can't imagine any other house that would suit us better. I'm just envious of finished houses now...!

Jenny Kerr said...

It's not so much envy as it is just... blar... lol. I read a lot on Old House Web and such, but even if the house were finished I don't think I would ever post in their "I want to see your such and such" posts. 40 pages of beautiful homes would be lowered by my blandness. lol. It's right for us I just feel like I shouldn't be as proud of it as I am because it's really nothing to be proud of. lol... if that makes sense. It's too formal for the new construction lovers and not formal enough for the old house buffs. LOL... I'm trapped in a twilight zone-ish vortex of HOUSE.

StuccoHouse said...

Every now and again a girl just needs a good cry and a vacation from the house to-do list. Speaking from experience :-) How about signing up for a fun class (knitting, stained glass, yoga, etc.)....to get out of the house, see new faces & forget everything house?

Di said...

jenny - wait til you finish a project before you say that. Once I finished the living room, I wanted to show it to EVERYONE, and it's really nothing special compared to those with built-ins and ornate woodwork. But it is ours, and I did it almost completely by myself.

stucco - I wish I could take a class or something non-house related. Unfortunately I work second shift, and I'm REALLY not a morning person. I feel lots better today anyways, now that I stained some doors. Reminds me that I actually am accomplishing something :)