It's been almost one year to the the day since I last posted, and honestly, my head is still reeling a bit from all the changes in my life since then. It's finally starting to settle into a "new normal", so I feel comfortable sharing a bit here again.
Authenticity. It's a concept I've been thinking a lot about recently. I've always striven to live an authentic life, one true to my belief system and morals. I've always been a bit of a non-conformist, at least according to society's definition of normal, but I thought that my life was authentic and true to what I felt was important. And while that may have been true for me, that wasn't true for my husband. He was living a double life, hiding an addiction that, once revealed, shattered our marriage. Sexual addiction isn't the party it sounds like.
While many things in my life feel like a struggle right now, especially work, in most ways I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. I've lost so much in the past year: my marriage, my career (by my own choice; I had decided to stay home with the kidlets), the life I thought I had, and the dreams I thought we shared. But I've also gained. I'm now free from a relationship that had damaged my self-worth and skewed my perceptions. I'm free from trying to live up to someone else's expectations. I'm free to be the me I was always a bit afraid to be.
God often provides blessings that come disguised as tragedies. This is one of them.