12/20/2013

Phoenix rising

It's been almost one year to the the day since I last posted, and honestly, my head is still reeling a bit from all the changes in my life since then.  It's finally starting to settle into a "new normal", so I feel comfortable sharing a bit here again.

Authenticity.  It's a concept I've been thinking a lot about recently.  I've always striven to live an authentic life, one true to my belief system and morals.  I've always been a bit of a non-conformist, at least according to society's definition of normal, but I thought that my life was authentic and true to what I felt was important.  And while that may have been true for me, that wasn't true for my husband.  He was living a double life, hiding an addiction that, once revealed, shattered our marriage.  Sexual addiction isn't the party it sounds like.

While many things in my life feel like a struggle right now, especially work, in most ways I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes.  I've lost so much in the past year: my marriage, my career (by my own choice; I had decided to stay home with the kidlets), the life I thought I had, and the dreams I thought we shared.  But I've also gained.  I'm now free from a relationship that had damaged my self-worth and skewed my perceptions. I'm free from trying to live up to someone else's expectations.  I'm free to be the me I was always a bit afraid to be.

God often provides blessings that come disguised as tragedies.  This is one of them.

2 comments:

Kate H. said...

Oh, no! So sorry to hear of this turn of events. Hardly know what to say . . . just, give yourself permission to be royally pissed off about the whole thing whenever you feel like it. And I wish you faithful and good friends you can be safely pissed off with.

Strength and blessing to you.

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