12/20/2013

Phoenix rising

It's been almost one year to the the day since I last posted, and honestly, my head is still reeling a bit from all the changes in my life since then.  It's finally starting to settle into a "new normal", so I feel comfortable sharing a bit here again.

Authenticity.  It's a concept I've been thinking a lot about recently.  I've always striven to live an authentic life, one true to my belief system and morals.  I've always been a bit of a non-conformist, at least according to society's definition of normal, but I thought that my life was authentic and true to what I felt was important.  And while that may have been true for me, that wasn't true for my husband.  He was living a double life, hiding an addiction that, once revealed, shattered our marriage.  Sexual addiction isn't the party it sounds like.

While many things in my life feel like a struggle right now, especially work, in most ways I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes.  I've lost so much in the past year: my marriage, my career (by my own choice; I had decided to stay home with the kidlets), the life I thought I had, and the dreams I thought we shared.  But I've also gained.  I'm now free from a relationship that had damaged my self-worth and skewed my perceptions. I'm free from trying to live up to someone else's expectations.  I'm free to be the me I was always a bit afraid to be.

God often provides blessings that come disguised as tragedies.  This is one of them.

5 comments:

Kate H. said...

Oh, no! So sorry to hear of this turn of events. Hardly know what to say . . . just, give yourself permission to be royally pissed off about the whole thing whenever you feel like it. And I wish you faithful and good friends you can be safely pissed off with.

Strength and blessing to you.

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Anonymous said...

Hi Prairie Box!!

Your home looks like the old Saltbox style so common in New England (specifically, MA and in Ohio). The only difference is you have a porch which most saltboxes do not.

Okay, good luck with your home and projects.

Angie Davidson said...

Keep in mind the thought that when one door closes, another opens. Sometimes we need to go through a bunch of horrible things to be able to simply take a breath and realize what is good in our lives. It took a horrible relationship for me to learn what I was doing wrong as well...putting up with lies, feeling dependent, making myself miserable simply to hold on....and by getting out of it, I was able to move on and meet my husband, who is my soul mate and we've been happily married for seven years.

Keep your chin up, sister. I hate to be using cliches, but things do happen for a reason, and you'll come out of it stronger and happier with yourself for making the right decisions. And hey, get mad and break stuff, scream obscenities, eat a whole quart of ice cream and watch movies and cry....let it all out and then let it go.

Much love.

Angie Davidson said...

Heh...as I am reading your blog, we sound very similar. Strange how that works. I make soap...I also have a 1920's house, which led me to your blog...I think mine is a Gordon Van Tine kit house and I am trying to get more info on it. I think that the people who lived here before me started home improvement projects and just got trashed halfway through and said, "screw it." I can't tell you how many times I've torn into something and just wanted to throttle the previous owners. (Red oil paint on the kitchen walls...are you serious?)