I am posting these updates retroactively. It's actually August 1, but I feel like this is an important part of my life to share. These posts were originally on a message board, but since my blog is something like my journal, I wanted to have the story here as well. Also, I'm sure I'll mention these events in the future, so I want the background available. And, just maybe, my story will help someone else who is going though the same thing.
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I lost one of the twins two days ago...
Shayne, Ethan, Alex (my step-daughter), and I were on vacation with my mother. We'd rented a cottage near Lake Michigan near Northport and were just planning on sitting on the beach, eating good food, and chilling out for a few days. I'd still been spotting and having weird pains, but I talked to the nurse practitioner at my midwife practice before I left, and she had said there's really no reason not to go; we weren't sure why I was having complications, but I'm so early that there's not much to be done anyways in the event of problems. I figured a little R&R would be a good thing, and hopefully I'd get rested up and start to feel a little better. I just haven't felt good since I had that flu about 2 weeks ago.
We got there, and everything was pretty much business as usual til the second day. I had a big gush of fluid at about 6 pm. Looking back, it was amniotic fluid, but I'd been having so much else going on "down there" that I sort of dismissed that thought. I did mention it to Shayne, but said I wasn't positive. But later that night I started bleeding more and had two small contractions. I gave birth to Baby A at about 2:30 am on the 19th.
We went to the hospital and took the baby with us. They checked to see if they could determine gender, but he (I'm just going to call it a he) was so small that they couldn't be sure. They took little impressions of his feet and photos for us and put it all together in a memory box.
I had an ultrasound there, and Baby B appeared to be doing fine. There was still a heartbeat and plenty of amniotic fluid. My cervix was also closed, which was a good thing. I didn't appear to be in imminent danger of losing the other baby, but the doctor said that the prognosis just isn't good. I guess when you lose one and actually give birth to it, the chances for having a successful pregnancy with the second baby go way down. I'd heard of vanishing twin syndrome (and was oddly worried about it since finding out I was pregnant with twins), but I've not really heard of losing and birthing one but not the other.
I'm on my way home now. We have an appointment with my midwife and ob tomorrow, then they'll decide whether or not they still want me to keep my specialist appointment that I had already scheduled. When I spoke to the nurse practitioner on the phone, she said that she has heard of a successful, full-term pregnancy after the loss of one baby, but we just have to be very careful about infection. I'm also worried because the hospital doc said I wasn't likely to lose the placenta until after I gave birth to the other baby (whether that be sooner or later), but I'm pretty sure I lost one piece on each of the past two nights...
I feel so strange. I'm so sad about losing Baby A, but grateful that Baby B seems ok. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Even if everything still looks okay at the appointment tomorrow, I know I'll spend the rest of the pregnancy paranoid. My weird pains are gone, and there was really no pain at all from the birthing process - not at all like my first miscarriage. I'm still spotting, too. It's like just waiting for the other shoe to drop. *sigh* I hate being pregnant... I wish there was some way to know if my other baby will be okay.
Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
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