At the beginning of July I started attending the Indiana Law Enforcement Academy, which is basically boot camp for cops. This involved a switch to day shift, a 4-on, 3-off schedule, and travelling to and from Indianapolis each week. Needless to say, this has been a big source of stress and a big adjustment. Not that I'd been making much progress on the house anyways...
In the few weeks that I've been at the academy, I've learned quite a bit about motivation and dedication. I've been pushed beyond the physical limits of what I thought I could do. And even though this is just the beginning, I also have a new confidence in myself and a realization that I can push through the times when I don't want to keep going any longer.
I'm really going to try to apply this to the house. It's to the point where the living room upsets me, since I know it should be done by now and I just can't seem to find the initiative to get moving again. I'm pissed at the house, pissed at my lack of motivation, and pissed that I've let it go this long without really trying. I've never really accomplished anything difficult in my life until now. Looking back, it doesn't seem like I really had to try every hard to accomplish whatever I wanted to do. I don't mean that to sound arrogant, but I've been blessed with having everything I've ever really wanted. That's not to say I haven't had to work for it, or work towards it, but there haven't been any major setbacks or huge obstacles to overcome.
But right now the only obstacle in my way is me. And, like I have at the academy, I need to get over myself and get to where I want to be. I can make all the excuses I want, but none of them mean a damned thing. I'm the only thing keeping me from finishing my projects. Not time, not the weather, not work. Me.
It stops now.