Oh. My.

I was hoping my next post would be about how I worked through my family vs. career issues in a sane and rational manner, providing hope and insight to women everywhere.  Yeah.  Not so much.

I went for an ultrasound on Monday, after becoming extremely worried I was going to miscarry.  I had been horribly nauseous, but it suddenly vanished.  That's about what happened when I did miscarry, so I was concerned.  My midwife was very understanding, and after talking to me about it on the phone, managed to squeeze me in for an ultrasound that afternoon.

I went there prepared for the worst.  But once there, the tech immediately found a little 7-week-old nugget with a perfect heartbeat.  Everything looked great, and I was so relieved.  "Oh, but wait," the tech said, "there's another one!"

Twins.  I'm pregnant with twins.

I think I've gone through every emotion imaginable in the past 5 days.  I'm totally shocked, excited, terrified, and disappointed, all at once.  I'm so very glad that the babies appear healthy, but worried about what two babies are going to mean for my future.  I know it sounds terribly selfish, but we just weren't expecting this at all, so all my plans have suddenly flown out the window.  I'm definitely a planner, so I feel very lost now.

I don't know if I'll go back to work.  I enjoy my job, but with two newborns and a toddler to care for, I'm not even sure if it will make financial sense.  We'll easily spend one of my paychecks just on a nanny.  And a part time job would be able to make up the difference and allow me to stay home and raise my family.

So... Everything is still way, WAY up in the air.  Maybe we'll figure out where we're headed sometime soon, but I think it's going to take a while.  Like I told Shayne when we first started talking about moving, "I think we're going to live in this house a long time."