Ready? Not.

I had another "end of the world" type dream last night.  I don't dream about this stuff often (and I wrote about it last time I did, on January 19th, so it's been almost a year), and I'm glad.  It scares me.  I wake up in a near-panic about how absolutely unprepared I am to face any kind of disaster. 

This dream had a different premise from the first one.  There had been some kind of governmental evacuation, and Shayne, Ethan, my mom, and I were all living in what looked like an extended-stay hotel or small apartment.  Something bad had happened, and they were preparing to evacuate us again.  We could only take a bag or two of belongings.  I remember being in a panic about where the batteries, firestarters, flashlights, and warm clothes were.  I wanted to take guns and ammo, but I knew that the government would be checking our bags.  I also wanted to get some cash, but so many people had the same idea that both the bank and ATM were out of money.  I kept thinking how much easier it would be if we had ignored the evacuation and stayed home. 

I woke up feeling awful.  I'm not ready. 

I'm not sure it's ever really possible to be completely ready for a disaster.  And even if you were, the disaster itself could wipe out all your preps.  But we only have one alternative source of heat, with a finite lifespan (kerosene heater).  I don't have seeds.  I'm not ready to pack a bag and bail out.  Aside from birds, I don't know how to field-dress a kill.  We only have a good stash of .223 ammo, though we have several weapons of other calibers.

My mind is just buzzing.  On days like this, I want to just pack up and buy a house/land in the middle of nowhere.  But I know that isn't the solution either.  We need our "tribe" and our family close by, since we all have different skills and strengths.  If there was a real SHTF (shit hits the fan) scenario, loners are going to have a hard time after a while.  Many hands lighten the load.

I'm trying to talk myself down and remember everything we do have. Even with our limited preps and gardening abilities, we're still more prepared than 99% of the population.  But I've decided that a wood-burning stove is the next big project after the bathroom.  Freezing to death isn't high on my list of ways to die, and it would be essential if we were to shelter in place with kids in the event of a lengthy power outage.