I'm not one that generally shares my entire personal life over the internet, but I suppose this needs to be said, since I told the internet that we were expecting a baby...
Early yesterday morning I had a miscarriage. The embryo had never developed from the little ball of cells that is present about 2-3 weeks into pregnancy. My body didn't realize this for 6 more weeks, and I had no idea until two days ago that something might be wrong. The doctors say that in this type of situation, there was probably a chromosomal abnormality, and the pregnancy terminates itself rather than develop into an abnormal fetus. They couldn't give a reason as to why it took my body so long to figure it out.
After 2 ER visits and a minor surgery, I am physically fine. We plan on trying again once we are able, and hopefully the Lord will bless us with a healthy, perfect baby. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we go through this difficult time.
Showing posts with label reality check. Show all posts
Showing posts with label reality check. Show all posts
11/01/2008
10/27/2008
Why I hate my house today
Ok, I realize it's not the house's fault. It didn't invite the PPOs in and invite them to jack things up. It didn't beg to be covered in 5 layers of wallpaper and paneling or have its woodwork painted brown. It didn't request ugly 80s cabinets in place of the originals (even if the originals were green...). And it certainly didn't say that half-assed work is good enough. But I'm going to blame the house for everything, just for today.
I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or just the fact that there always seems to be endless work to do on the house, but I'm feeling very discouraged today. We went to the bank the other day to refinance our mortgage, and we were told that we'd have to have the house reappraised. Meaning that someone will come into our seriously disorganized and half-finished house and we have to convince them it's worth just as much now as it was when it was all put together 3 years ago. Like that's going to happen...
I've read some articles online about having ahome appraisal, and they say you should stage your home as you would if you are selling it. But all the cleaning in the world won't hide the fact that the walls are bare, cracked plaster in the office, that th upstairs floors have bits of adhesive and carpet padding stuck to them, and that the woodwork in the hall and stairwell is still MIA. It also won't hide that the dining room walls are painted paneling or that the kitchen floor is cheapo laminate.
Shit.
I don't know if it's pregnancy hormones or just the fact that there always seems to be endless work to do on the house, but I'm feeling very discouraged today. We went to the bank the other day to refinance our mortgage, and we were told that we'd have to have the house reappraised. Meaning that someone will come into our seriously disorganized and half-finished house and we have to convince them it's worth just as much now as it was when it was all put together 3 years ago. Like that's going to happen...
I've read some articles online about having ahome appraisal, and they say you should stage your home as you would if you are selling it. But all the cleaning in the world won't hide the fact that the walls are bare, cracked plaster in the office, that th upstairs floors have bits of adhesive and carpet padding stuck to them, and that the woodwork in the hall and stairwell is still MIA. It also won't hide that the dining room walls are painted paneling or that the kitchen floor is cheapo laminate.
Shit.
4/10/2007
Unfaithful
I have a confession to make. Today I went to Lowes and had impure thoughts about semi-custom kitchen cabinets. I oggled the cherry doors. I fondled the smooth Silestone countertops. I even went so far as to fantasize about them in my own home, replacing the old, tired '80s cabinets I'm currently chained to.
And then I noticed the gap between the doors on one of the cupboards. The sleek, too-new look of the fake beadboard. The vintage appearance that just wasn't vintage.
Sigh.
Nobody I know ever bought a house that needed to be redone from top to bottom. I'd read about how difficult it is, understood that it takes time. Somehow I guess I thought that that only afflicted other people, and that our house would be a wonderful, happy endeavor. Obviously I can be a little too optimistic, resulting in a temporary suspension of rational thought.
I do love our house. Really. I know it will be great when it's done, and I'll be able to look back with pride and know that we did just about everything ourselves. But all of that is a long way away. I didn't realize that I'd end up with tools and dust in every room of the house. I didn't realize that there would be days I'd wake up and absoloutely despise the house. I didn't know it would take over so much of my spare time and insinuate itself into just about every decision I make. Or that I'd get used to an office with a bare, unfinished wood floor and half-unpapered walls. I never thought I'd go over to someone's house and marvel that it is finished. And I certainly never imagined I'd be standing in the cabinet aisles of Lowes fantasizing about a prefab kitchen.
I feel dirty just remembering...
And then I noticed the gap between the doors on one of the cupboards. The sleek, too-new look of the fake beadboard. The vintage appearance that just wasn't vintage.
Sigh.
Nobody I know ever bought a house that needed to be redone from top to bottom. I'd read about how difficult it is, understood that it takes time. Somehow I guess I thought that that only afflicted other people, and that our house would be a wonderful, happy endeavor. Obviously I can be a little too optimistic, resulting in a temporary suspension of rational thought.
I do love our house. Really. I know it will be great when it's done, and I'll be able to look back with pride and know that we did just about everything ourselves. But all of that is a long way away. I didn't realize that I'd end up with tools and dust in every room of the house. I didn't realize that there would be days I'd wake up and absoloutely despise the house. I didn't know it would take over so much of my spare time and insinuate itself into just about every decision I make. Or that I'd get used to an office with a bare, unfinished wood floor and half-unpapered walls. I never thought I'd go over to someone's house and marvel that it is finished. And I certainly never imagined I'd be standing in the cabinet aisles of Lowes fantasizing about a prefab kitchen.
I feel dirty just remembering...
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