Life in the Prairie Box

The lost art of hospitality

2012-01-14T14:36:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about how our social lives will change when I am no longer working full time. So much of my social interaction takes place at work; I rarely go out, I prefer one-on-one or small group interaction, and being on second shift makes it difficult to coordinate with others. And while I consider myself a homebody, I know that I will miss interacting with some of my co-workers on a regular basis. Right now, any need for additional socializing is met by meeting a friend or family for a meal at a restaurant. But that just won't be possible as often on a single income. Which got me thinking...

Why don't people have others over for dinner anymore? Maybe it's just the folks that I tend to interact with, but it seems that we rarely open our homes to others, even the people we are closest to. Although we have my mom and my in-laws over for dinner at holidays or birthday celebrations, and we usually have a big cook-out in the summer, we've never invited friends to just come over to have dinner.

Why not? I thought I'd be able to cone up with a lot of reasons not to have people over, as it seems to be somewhat anxiety-producing for a lot of people. But what it really boils down to is that my house isn't as organized as I wish it was. And every single person I know has the same thoughts about their house. But would a dinner experience be ruined if there were a few odds and ends out of place? When you go to someone's house, do you care if they still have a Christmas wreath up in March? As long as it is reasonably clean, the food is edible, and your host/hostess is welcoming, does anything else really matter?

I want our home to be a gathering place for family and friends. I want my children to grow up knowing how to treat guests properly. I want to be able to socialize without having to go somewhere, do something, or spend money. I don't want to use my house just as a place to sleep.

And so, this year, I'm going to open my home. In spite of its imperfections, its clutter, and my own anxieties, I'm going to try to have someone (besides family) over for dinner once every other month. I'm hoping that it will increase my satisfaction with my house, and help me to build stronger relationships with my friends that aren't dependent on my workplace. And maybe it'll even save me a bit of money and help me to keep on-track organizing and simplifying my home.

Modern homesteading: Empowering or enslaving?

2011-11-27T12:12:00.001-05:00

I read this article yesterday, and I'm still mulling over how I feel about it. Unlike the author, my grandmother canned, sewed, and cooked and baked from scratch. She also used some convenience foods, like Velveeta, but the overall theme in her life seemed to be to make your own, make do, or do without. She was always very frugal, and despite only working outside the home for maybe 20 years of her life (including the time spent working at a bomber plant during WWII, after which she returned to homemaking), she managed to end up with a nice little nest egg.

My mother had a different story. As a single parent, she had to work full-time. But she still found time to cook from scratch, and she taught me that life is more about experiences than material trappings. All of my aunts are crafty, and they all cook.

While I disliked cooking and domestic pursuits growing up, it seemed kind of natural that I would grow into it. And then I took it a step further. I am the only one in my family with livestock. The last I knew, I was the only one who gardens. And while my aunt and two of my cousins get together every year to can tomatoes, I'm the only one who cans and freezes in any sort of serious volume.

Do I feel enslaved by my efforts to be more self-sufficient? Not at all. I love knowing that I am providing healthful food for myself and my family. I love knowing that I am helping to continue what women (and men) have done for thousands of years by working the land and growing food from seeds and sunlight. I love that it's good for the earth.

But. I do feel like feminism has seriously backfired in some ways. Women now seem to feel like they should work outside the home, whether they want to be a stay-at-home mother/homemaker or not. I know that when I've mentioned to some friends - and male friends at that! - they have actively discouraged me from staying at home. "But what will you do all day?" "Won't you be bored?" and, "Women who stay at home always let themselves go," are all things I've heard when I mention how nice it would be not to work. While the feminist movement opened a lot of doors and highlighted that women can be just as capable as men in the workplace, I don't think that it ever considered whether it was right for everyone. Staying home was portrayed as slavery. But now aren't many women just as enslaved by their 9-to-5 jobs? Work is work, whether you are keeping house or working your way up the corporate ladder.

Right now, I'm doing it all. I'm raising my son, cooking from scratch, canning, gardening, cleaning (though Shayne takes care of the kitchen [thank you!]), and working a full-time job. Is it stressful? Sometimes. Do I feel pinched for time? Occasionally. But would I give up my domestic pursuits? Not a chance. I'd ditch my job first. Right now, I'm working so that we can afford to fix up our house and pay it off sooner. Once that's done, you can bet your hat that I'll quit and spend even more time living my real life.

Ready? Not.

2011-11-26T10:04:00.001-05:00

I had another "end of the world" type dream last night. I don't dream about this stuff often (and I wrote about it last time I did, on January 19th, so it's been almost a year), and I'm glad. It scares me. I wake up in a near-panic about how absolutely unprepared I am to face any kind of disaster.

This dream had a different premise from the first one. There had been some kind of governmental evacuation, and Shayne, Ethan, my mom, and I were all living in what looked like an extended-stay hotel or small apartment. Something bad had happened, and they were preparing to evacuate us again. We could only take a bag or two of belongings. I remember being in a panic about where the batteries, firestarters, flashlights, and warm clothes were. I wanted to take guns and ammo, but I knew that the government would be checking our bags. I also wanted to get some cash, but so many people had the same idea that both the bank and ATM were out of money. I kept thinking how much easier it would be if we had ignored the evacuation and stayed home.

I woke up feeling awful. I'm not ready.

I'm not sure it's ever really possible to be completely ready for a disaster. And even if you were, the disaster itself could wipe out all your preps. But we only have one alternative source of heat, with a finite lifespan (kerosene heater). I don't have seeds. I'm not ready to pack a bag and bail out. Aside from birds, I don't know how to field-dress a kill. We only have a good stash of .223 ammo, though we have several weapons of other calibers.

My mind is just buzzing. On days like this, I want to just pack up and buy a house/land in the middle of nowhere. But I know that isn't the solution either. We need our "tribe" and our family close by, since we all have different skills and strengths. If there was a real SHTF (shit hits the fan) scenario, loners are going to have a hard time after a while. Many hands lighten the load.

I'm trying to talk myself down and remember everything we do have. Even with our limited preps and gardening abilities, we're still more prepared than 99% of the population. But I've decided that a wood-burning stove is the next big project after the bathroom. Freezing to death isn't high on my list of ways to die, and it would be essential if we were to shelter in place with kids in the event of a lengthy power outage.

More musings on where we're going

2011-11-06T16:47:00.003-05:00

As of Friday morning, we are officially debt-free except for our house. I kicked Sallie Mae to the curb about 7 years earlier than my original payoff date. Of course, that would have been paying the bare minimum, but it still feels nice. Really nice. We also closed on our refinance on Wednesday, changing our 30 year mortgage to a 20. We dropped our interest by another percentage point, kept our payment the same, and cut 7 years off the payment plan. We do plan on paying extra on our principal, but right now our focus is to rebuild our savings.

Speaking of paying extra... If we dropped an extra $500 on the principle every month (which is less than what we were originally paying for our debt every month between student loans, the car, and credit card, so I know we can do it), we'd have the house paid off in 8 years and 11 months.

Which makes me very reluctant to quit my job before then. Can you imagine having a $100K+ down payment on a house? I can be ruthlessly practical, and I have a hard time thinking of giving up our financial security. There's also that fact that I really like my job.

I don't know how to make this decision. I've been struggling with it for several months, and I just keep going in circles. I suppose the logical thing to do is to continue fixing up our house, save money, pay down the mortgage, and wait. It's just not what I want. Sigh.

Almost meal planning: week 3

2011-11-05T11:52:00.000-04:00

Amazingly, I'm still sticking to it. I still haven't noticed having to carve out huge amounts of time to make it work, and the results have been great. Part of having this work is that I'm making casseroles, crock-pot meals, and roasts, so I'm not spending much time slaving over the stove. I like to cook, and I wish I had more time for elaborate meals. But right now, the reality is that just having something nutritious on the table is more important than trying new and exciting recipes. Also, since I know what the other meals are that I'm cooking that week, if one of them requires mashed potatoes (or a side dish that requires more than opening a can or jar), I'll just make a huge batch with the first meal and eat them for both.

And the best part? My fridge!!

It's stuffed!! Granted, we have a smaller model fridge. It's not quite apartment-size, but it's not standard. It was the only fridge narrow enough to fit in that space between the cupboards and the doorway to the laundry area and short enough to fit under the cabinets. It's little. And disorganized, since I just tossed everything from grocery shopping in there when I had a spare second. But everything in there is edible. Some things could be moved to smaller containers, but there are no old, crusty leftovers or anything.

I currently have a chicken in the oven for cajun alfredo pasta and chicken pot pie later in the week. I think it'll need to go in the freezer, while we eat our leftovers...

Almost meal planning: progress report

2011-10-29T19:49:00.003-04:00

Yeesh, I'm talkative lately. I feel like there are so many things bouncing around in my head, and I just want to post to get them all out in some sort of coherent way. And if I can unload the little stuff, maybe there will be more room to mull over the big stuff. I mean, there can only be so much room inside your head, yah?

So... The great cook-at-home plan. It's working. I'm still not sure where I'm coming up with the time, since I don't feel rushed or like I'm having to work overly hard to make this happen. Seriously. I've had a two mishaps where I've neglected to eat breakfast and stopped at McDonald's for a salad on my way into work. But I took my lunch to work every single day last week. Shayne and Ethan also had dinner at home every day. Major accomplishment, at least in my little world!

So what am I doing differently? Basically, planning my meals a week or so ahead and sticking to the plan. There's some room for flexibility, otherwise this wouldn't work for me. For example, I had planned to make chicken and wild rice soup on one of my days off, so I roasted a chicken on my first day off, picked it apart, and stuck it in the fridge. A few days ago, Ethan had a stomach bug, so I tossed some of the chicken into some stock I had canned last year. Add onion, celery, carrots, seasoning, and noodles, and we had chicken noodle soup. And somehow, in spite of a sick kidlet and raking leaves, I got a lasagna on the table that night for dinner.

Then I got sick. I fell off the cooking wagon for a few days, but we still had enough leftovers to see us through (especially since I wasn't eating anything!). It seems like as long as I cook every 2 or 3 days, we always have plenty of leftovers and wiggle room in case something goes wrong.

But since I'm now a bit behind and we are totally leftover-less... Tonight, I need to toss the remaining chicken into the crock pot so that we'll have chicken and wild rice soup tomorrow. And the ground beef in the fridge HAS to be browned before it goes bad. Even if most of it goes into the freezer (Shayne and Ethan are eating dinner at my mom's tomorrow, and probably the day after as well), at least we'll have something in reserve for the nights the cooking just doesn't happen.

Something else I've learned is to pack up leftovers into meal-sized portions, even if I'm going to toss it into the freezer. If I have to pack a lunch for work, I won't do it. I'm cramped for time in the morning, and that's the thing that seems to get left by the wayside first. But if it's already "packed" and all I have to do is throw a jar or container into my bag? I can handle that.

Pretty Boy meets The Girls

2011-10-25T14:07:00.000-04:00

Last night we took a trip to a friend's farm to go get Pretty Boy, the rooster. Ethan was ecstatic to go see cows, and was even more excited when he found not just one, but three tractors in the barn. This child is obsessed with machinery. Sue got Pretty Boy into the kitty carrier with a minimum of fuss, and he rode quietly all the way home. I set the carrier in the coop, still closed, and planned to wait til dark to let him out.

At around 7 pm, Shayne heard Pretty Boy squawking quite a bit, so I went out to check. As then hens were trying to come home, Pretty Boy was bk-AWWWWK-ing at them loudly and scaring them away. I moved the carrier out of the coop, and peace was restored.

And then it was dark. I was worried, as last time I introduced new chickens to an existing flock, there was a lot of picking and pecking before they sorted it all out. But this time, nothing happened. Pretty Boy went to roost on the ladder to the chicken house, and the girls cooed sleepily at him before going back to sleep.

But I was still worried. I woke up at about 3 am and was unable to get back to sleep. All I could think about was whether or not there would be bloodshed in the coop when I went out in the morning. Was it too small of a space to introduce a lone bird to my flock? If they fought, would the picked-on bird be able to find somewhere to hide? Maybe I should go out at 6 am and open the door, so they could all go straight outside when they woke up? Yeesh. It was a long night.

I actually slept later than I expected, probably as a result of being up half the night worrying... So at 8:30, I ran out to the coop, expecting much chicken misery. Pffft. As if. Pretty Boy was in the house, and the girls were on the floor. As I opened the door, Pretty Boy emerged and started bRRRRkk-ing at me. The girls all hopped out the door, and Pretty Boy followed. He followed them around, making chiding-sounding noises at them, then did his little wing-dragging mating dance. Oh my. My little adolescent hens went crazy.

First the girls would all cluster together, making little chicken noises that reminded me of nothing so much as a bunch of teenage girls giggling. Then one would get brave and run up to Pretty Boy. She'd circle around him, acting shy. He'd dance some more, and she'd get even closer.

He'd decide the moment was ripe, and he'd jump on her back. "Sqaaaawwwk!" went the surprised hen, as she ran back to the other girls. They'd giggle and gossip some more, then another one would go to tease Pretty Boy.

The light was horrible (which is obvious from the picture I took), otherwise I'd have taken a video. They were hilarious. I think Pretty Boy was flattered by all the attention; he came from a flock of 70, with several other roosters. I'm really looking forward to seeing the results, now that he has his own, very appreciative, harem.

What I Want

2011-10-24T21:10:00.000-04:00

In no particular order...

To become even more self-sufficient. I like growing my own veggies, but I wish I had space to raise cattle for beef. And pigs. And maybe a goat for milk, if I could just milk her in the morning. I want to make my own soaps, herbal remedies, and cleaning supplies.
To finish our house. I'm sick unto death of living in a construction zone. I'm sick of our ugly bathroom and kitchen. And if the dining room had plaster walls and a pine floor instead of paneling and pergo, I think I'd swoon.
To be comfortable financially. I don't need much, really. I lived in my first apartment on $800 a month, and the rent was $400. I can be frugal, and I'm a homebody. But our car will eventually need to be replaced, and things go wrong. So "comfortable" means having enough to save a bit every month.
To homeschool my kids. I'm not sure how long I want to do this for, but I already hate the idea of sending Ethan off to kindergarten. I hate how education has become so centered on standardized testing that it's more a matter of how much you can memorize instead of how much you actually learn. I'm also not too keen on exposing him to all of the sex/drugs/profanity that it seems like even the littlest kids now know about. I was sheltered, with the added bonus that I was completely oblivious to pop culture. I didn't have a clue what all the other kids were talking about, and I didn't care. I was perfectly happy to read my books about magic and dragons and ignore the world. But I'm not sure that is completely normal, and I don't expect my kids to be the same way. So, I want to give them a good foundation at home before allowing the rest of the world in. I also want them to have the freedom to explore topics in greater depth than what happens in most schools, to really learn about topics instead of just skimming over them.
To buy a house and land further away from town. I want to have room to roam away from pavement, cars, and other people. We've toyed with the idea of building our own home, possibly from strawbales, and I think that would be the ultimate accomplishment.
To stay home from work to raise my kids. I'm fortunate enough to have family who can watch Ethan, so I don't worry about leaving him. And I have a job that I love. But I don't want to do this forever. Being home feels like something I'm being called to do.
To have another child, so that the "kids" and "children" I've mentioned in the past two posts are real instead of imagined.
To take an exotic vacation. Just one would be fine. I'm happy going to the Smoky Mountains and to Sleeping Bear Dunes for vacation. But I think it would be awesome to go to Scotland. Or Italy. Or Egypt.

Our life, in a nutshell

2011-10-24T12:19:00.003-04:00

If you've been reading this blog for any length of time, you will know that I have lots of ideas that often pull me in different directions. We are still trying to sort out the specifics, but our ultimate goal has always been to live a more healthy, sustainable, self-sufficient lifestyle. Secondary has been to fix up our house. We vacillate between staying here and moving. We also talk often about whether or not I will continue to work full-time.

I know a lot of this has been gone over before in previous posts, but I need to clear my head, and writing is usually the best way for me to do it. Bear with me.

I still feel very strongly that our country is headed for disaster. I don't mean this in a conspiracy-theory kind of way; I just mean that we (as a country) have had our priorities jacked up for about as long as is sustainable. Our goal has been progress. Progress at any cost, and progress for its own sake. As machines and computers started to do the work of people, it was thought that people would work less and have more time for leisure. The opposite has been true. We work more. We spend less time as a family. We value entertainment over relationships. We value convenience over authenticity. Newer, Better, and Faster have become the gods that America worships, and we serve them at an extremely high cost to ourselves and our future.

And I DO NOT want this for myself or my family. In many ways, we have opted out.

Our only television lives in the basement. I will not raise a child who is a mindless consumer. We avoid toys and clothing that are feature popular characters. He has no idea who Dora and Diego are, has never seen Blue of Blue's Clues, and identifies Cars characters by the type of vehicle they are instead of by name. I intend on keeping it this way for as long as possible, as I feel very strongly that kids are exposed to too much advertising too early. Mommy and Daddy should be the central figures and examples in the lives of our children, not characters. Too many people rely on "educational" television to teach their children. Shayne and I will rely on ourselves. We strive to set an example of behavior for our children to mimic, instead of telling them to do as we say and not as we do. We are our children's best teachers, and as a result, we are becoming better people. We are far from perfect, but it's important for our kids to see that too. We make mistakes. We are human. But we can always strive to be better.

We spend lots of time outside. Ethan has never once become bored or cranky outside. It's the ultimate entertainment, and it moves at the speed of the child. All it takes is a parent or caretaker willing to supervise instead of getting something done. It's not realistic to spend all day, every day outside. Meals still need to be cooked, showers need to be taken, and the laundry doesn't put itself away. But it's been an important lesson for me to organize my time around my little guy's need to play and explore - not the other way around. Babies accommodate the parent's routine. Toddlers need accommodation, otherwise they become cranky and confused. Having a loosely structured day, with the child's needs foremost, make for a much happier home. Please don't confuse this with accommodating a toddler's every want and whim. There is a difference. Children need to play. They also need boundaries. They do not need to be allowed to tyrannize their parents.

We grow and raise some of our own food - more every year. And we are working on cooking more and more from scratch. In addition to being healthier for us than conventionally grown food, our organically frown veggies are healthier for the earth. And the less food that is shipped across the country, the lower our country's gas consumption. We also have the peace of mind from knowing our eggs were laid by happy, free-ranging hens, that our home-canned food is additive free, and that we are raising our child to think about where his food comes from.

We live within our means. We could afford a larger house, with a larger payment. We could afford a new car. We could afford to take a cruise. Well, none of this right now, since I was paycheck-less for a while and our house and car both decided to fall apart at the same time we had big vet bills for our poor old kitty, but our household income is higher than that of the average American family. But we don't live like the average American family. We choose to save money in our own retirement fund instead of relying on Social Security or pensions from our jobs.

We try to live small. Less stuff means less to clean, less to take care of, and less to weigh us down. It's a work in progress, and we aren't true minimalists or ascetics. We just try not to have anything that isn't useful, beautiful, or that we don't love. It's hard. Especially with the constant bombardment of media and internet images. Even though I have all the ads blocked on my browser, I still visit blogs and message boards, and I see houses and property that I wish I had. I have to constantly remind myself that we are where we are supposed to be right now, and there is always a lot behind the pictures that I don't know. Maybe the people are swimming in debt. Maybe they received an inheritance. Maybe they scrimped and saved every penny for many, many years to be where they are. There are so many variables that it's an exercise in futility to try to compare yourself to anyone else.

These are the main tenants of our existence right now... But where are we going?

And the truth is, I don't know.

I'm trying so very hard to figure that out right now, but I'm not making any realistic headway. I just feel pulled in six different directions... Over the next few days, maybe weeks, I'll be trying to work through my options and feelings. Stay tuned...

We're getting a rooster!

2011-10-22T23:02:00.002-04:00

I said when we first got chickens that I'd never get a rooster, because I was afraid of all the noise he may make. And now I'm eating my words. With the continued unease in our economy, plus the fact that I've been unable to source a reasonably-priced provider for pastured chicken meat, I decided to look a little closer to home for a solution. And when a friend posted on her blog how she needed to offload a rooster or two... the answer seemed obvious.

Pretty Boy, a Buckeye/buff Orpington cross, will be coming home to roost on Monday night. None of the girls have started laying yet, but two of them are really close. Their combs are bright red, and their wattles get bigger every day. I expect eggs within a month.

We currently have three breeds of chickens. Buff Orpingtons and Australorps are considered a dual-purpose breed. The grow fairly quickly, are heavy-bodied, and are excellent layers of brown eggs. The Easter Eggers lay green eggs, and are fairly slim. They are geared more for egg production than meat, but since their eggs are green, I will be able to easily remove them from underneath a broody hen. Or if we hatch in an incubator, I'll select only brown eggs unless we need to replace a layer. I'm hoping to raise a few birds next year for our own consumption. I'm not sure yet if I'll do the processing myself; I don't have a good spot outdoors for butchering and cleaning production-line fashion. But if not, we have a processor nearby who charges $7 per bird. Even adding in feed costs, I estimate each bird would cost about $12 and dress out at 4 - 5 lbs. And for organic (getting new, organic feed soon!), truly free-range, pastured chicken, a price of less than $4 per pound is unheard of.

I'm still not certain about the noise issue... But he can't possibly be noisier than our neighbor's 6 beagles.

Almost meal planning

2011-10-20T11:07:00.001-04:00

I feel like a champ. I haven't spent any (ANY!) money at all this week, and we've had home-cooked food for every meal so far. I cooked a big pot of beef and vegetable soup on Monday (my last day off), then have taken it to work for lunch every day since. I set out pasta and sauce for Shayne to make for dinner last night, then today popped pork steaks with a mushroom and onion sauce into the crockpot for dinner. I also have bread rising in the bread machine to go with the rest of the soup.

This has not been easy, but it's been easier than I thought it would be. I just have to remember to take meat out of the freezer to thaw, so I'm working a day ahead of myself. I'd like to eventually get to the point where we're planning our meals about 2 weeks in advance, but even thinking a few days in advance is big progress for me. I will probably only need to cook one more meal to get us through the rest of my working days, then I'll have my days off to plan, shop, and cook. My ultimate goal is to cook enough on my days off that I'll only need to cook one, maybe two, meals on my working days. This should keep Shayne from feeling like he needs to eat out for dinner (which is obviously better for both him and Ethan), plus it will give me dinners to take to work and keep me from eating out. I don't mind eating out one day a week, but it was getting a bit ridiculous. Last month, we spent almost $900 on food. $900! We should be spending half that... I knew we'd gotten off track, since we've been stressed and our kitchen has been a mess, but still... It's time to get back on track.

Ethan's vocabulary

2011-10-17T11:48:00.000-04:00

Having just turned two a little over two weeks ago, I thought it would be fun to document some of Ethan's milestones. In some areas, he seems very advanced, but in others, he's a bit slower. So... He's normal! In my opinion, he seems to have an extensive and complex vocabulary, so I wanted to try to write down all the words that he knows right now. These are all words he can say while looking at a picture, seeing it in real life, or spontaneously, all with no help from us. He can parrot many more, but I don't consider that to be "knowing" them.

(After a quick internet search, it seems the average 2 -3 year old has a 30 - 50 word vocabulary)

Names

Mommy
Daddy
Grandma
Papa
Papaw
Jay
Jammie (Jasmine)
Carlos
Rafa
Christopher
Aunt Shelley
Uncle Negro (nickname for his dark-skinned, Hispanic uncle)
Nana
Felisha
Lucy
Michael
Meggie
Miss Rachel
Mr. Rut
Mr. Dan
Mr. Todd
Miss Angie
Uncle Chuck
Aunt Virginia
Great Grandma
Miss Susie

Animals

bear
racoon
squirrel
fox
duck
giraffe
elephant
lion
tiger
zebra
owl
dog
kitty
mouse
bird
chicken
horse
cow
pig
sheep
dolphin
penguin
crab
fish
octopus
starfish

Outside

tree
grass
flower
dirt
woods
leaf
lawnmower
sunshine
fence
pool
lake
river
bridge
house
fire station
train tracks
hill
flag

Inside

rug
floor
light
bed
toilet
sink
table
chair
spoon
bowl
napkin
knife
fork
refrigerator (frig-rator)
towel
pencil
pen
book
couch
door
window
wall
ceiling
fan
vacuum (wack-yoom)
flashlight
blanket
washcloth
soap
shampoo (ampoo)
toothbrush
toothpaste
medicine
wipes
paper
picture (pick-ter)
phone
video
slipper
toy
screwdriver
drill
hammer
bottle
bedroom
bathroom
kitchen
breakfast
lunch
dinner
man
woman
baby

Clothing

shirt
pants
socks
shoes
jacket
hat
glove
bib
shoes
boots
sandals
diaper

Body parts

head
hair
ears
eyes
nose
mouth
teeth
chin
neck
stomach
hands
finger
arms
legs
feet
bottom

Transportation

train
airplane
jet
space shuttle
helicopter
truck
car
van
motorcycle
mail truck
trash truck
boat
police car
fire truck
ambulance (am-blance)
Jeep
Hummer
combine
tractor
Bobcat
excavator
forklift
dump truck
mixer
roller
crane
backhoe
front-end loader
bulldozer
trash truck
school bus
tow truck

Adjectives

red
blue
yellow
orange
green
purple
black
white
brown
big
little

Prepositions

inside
outside
underneath
on top
upstairs
downstairs

Verbs

run
walk
jump
dig
climb
come
go
work
drive
ride
push
carry
eat
sleep
cook
wash
dress
put on
take off

So far the total is 222, and that's just what I came up with sitting here for a few minutes. I know he knows way more animals... He can string words together really well, though he often leaves out the unessential parts of sentences. Some examples of his sentences are, "Go outside," "Bach coming downstairs," "Daddy working," "Ride tractor outside", and "Read book couch." He definitely can get his point across. My all-time-favorite sentence is, "Front-end loader scoop up dirt." I'm impressed!

Things to make my life easier

2011-10-17T10:27:00.000-04:00

As Ethan has gotten busier (and busier!) and takes fewer/shorter naps, I've been feeling frazzled again in the morning. Especially when I'm trying to get out the door, I feel like I'm in a huge rush and that I'm setting a poor example for him. So I'm going to try a few things to be a little more structured and organized during my "me" time, hoping that it will allow me to be more flexible during the time I spend with Ethan.

When I get up in the morning, the first thing I do is make myself an iced raspberry mocha (Did I tell you I bought an espresso machine to save myself from my Starbucks addiction? It totally deserves its own post, so I won't elaborate, but I am in LOVE!). It doesn't take long at all, but trying to measure coffee while Ethan inevitably opens the refrigerator and begins to remove items (yogurt! milk! carrots!) usually results in misery when I remind him that he just ate breakfast and is probably full. Please don't think I'm denying my little guy... He's one of the rare toddlers that would eat all day, every day, until he got sick. But if he doesn't open the fridge and see the food, he's completely content to play. So I'm going to avoid it. My mocha will be made the night before and refrigerated. I get my coffee; kidlet stays out of the fridge, and a meltdown is averted.

The getting-out-the-door part is usually the hardest part of my day. I always think about moving the carseat to my work car when Ethan is napping... and then I rarely do it. I'm definitely going to make a concentrated effort to get this done, along with packing the diaper bag and taking my work "stuff" (lunch, laptop, etc) out to the car. Then, even if I'm short on time, I won't be trying to throw things together while chasing the little one. I usually end up getting frustrated and short-tempered, and I don't think that's a good example to be setting.

And something else that I've already started doing is to simply slow down. I don't exactly have a busy schedule, but I don't like feeling like I'm rushing Ethan. He's two; he doesn't get deadlines, or rigid schedules, or the pressure to go shopping, stop at the market, have lunch, and make it to work on time. So I've decided not to live like that either. If I don't make it to the store, or the market, or whatever other optional (though I know it doesn't always feel optional) errands and activities for the day... I'll do it tomorrow. Or the next day. It's not worth rushing my little guy around. I don't want him to grow up thinking we always have to be running from one thing to the next. I don't want "hurry up!" to become a mantra. I want to have time to let Ethan walk around the market - at his speed. To play outside in the yard and not have to set a time limit on it. To eat sitting at the table, not in his carseat.

So... As I implement these little changes, I'm hoping that they will help me to slow down, relax, and go with the flow a bit more. Life is too short for rushing through headlong. I want my child to grow up knowing that there is always time to play.

More organizational ramblings

2011-10-11T11:49:00.003-04:00

I so wish that there was some kind of magic wand I could wave and just have all the surplus junk leave my life instead of having to sort through it bit by bit. Still, we're making progress. We've tossed, donated, recycled, or otherwise rehomed 972 items. Yeah, it's not even halfway there, but we're still plugging along.

Also, the appliance garage is dead! I got a bug up my butt (where did that saying come from, anyways?) right before Ethan's 2nd b-day party, and I finally ripped the dang thing out. And I'm soooo glad I did it. Our kitchen suddenly looks a lot bigger.

Here's a pic of how the kitchen looked when we bought the house:

And now that he appliance garage is gone (please excuse the not-so-great cellphone photo and sink full of dishes...):

Okay, so the pictures don't really do it justice, since the "after" shot is too close. But trust me when I say it changed the whole character of the kitchen. There's a lot of counter space that was freed up on the other side of the sink, since the toaster oven is now living where the appliance garage was. And it just doesn't look as dated. I can't quite convince myself I'm happy with our kitchen, but it's getting better.

We still have a big hole in the kitchen ceiling. It's amazing, but I really don't even notice it anymore. We're very close to securing the financing necessary for the bathroom remodel, so I'll be planning that with a vengeance soon. Can't wait!

Our poor bathroom...

2011-09-21T17:38:00.001-04:00

I would like to take the opportunity to thank the PPOs yet again for the fantastic work they did on our house. I sincerely wish some days that they had never laid eyes on the place. Although I know they did a lot by simply maintaining the house, their "improvements"... weren't. Below is a picture of my bathroom as it was this morning. Ethan especially loved being able to see into the kitchen from the bathroom, but we decided that a window in the floor was a bad idea. There is now new subfloor around the toilet, and the toilet has been reset. Unfortunately, there's still a mess where the tile had to be removed, but we'll be taking care of that soon.

Now the PPOs supposedly were doing a good thing by remodeling the bathroom (I'd have preferred the original everything, but I understand wanting to "upgrade"). See the brown stuff that the tile is set into? That's hardboard. Hardboard is the stuff that clipboards are made out of. I'm assuming that the PPOs used it as a underlayment because it was inexpensive. Unfortunately, it's also not at all water-resistant. Once it gets wet, it's pretty much a giant sponge. There was no worse product available at the time that they could have used as an underlayment in a damp area. Once the toilet started leaking around the wax ring, it just soaked into the hardboard, which simply held the water so that nobody ever knew it was leaking. Our first clue was the grout around the toilet. It started to crack and come out, but we thought it was because of the leaky tank (another story). If we hadn't removed the ceiling and insulation (another sponge) when we did, the toilet was well on its way to sinking into the kitchen. Thankfully there was a joist right underneath it to support the weight, but it wasn't a good situation.

So now we have a patch of 1 x 4s and plywood, and a working toilet. It ain't pretty, but at least when I get up to go potty in the middle of the night, I don't have to run downstairs.

In other news, we started letting our kittens outside. There is some part of my that is incapable of having a purely indoor cat. It seems cruel. Shortly after their initial exploration, the kitties discovered they could climb:

Talk about double trouble.

Organizing. The never-ending chore.

2011-09-19T12:35:00.001-04:00

I've been on a major organizational bender since losing the twins. I'm so tired of our house looking like a war zone. I'm okay with some chaos in the rooms that we are actively working on (currently kitchen and bathroom), but the rest of it is wearing on me. Slowly, but surely, I'm making progress.

The first major thing has been purging what I no longer use. I'm up to 886 (plus 150 from the "before Christmas" challenge) items tossed, donated, or otherwise rehomed. I'm a little discouraged by my lack of progress... until I think that our house has 1036 fewer items in it than this time last year. That's huge. When I try to imagine our house and garage with 1000 more things in it than what it has now, it scares me. I really should have taken "before" pictures of my cabinets.

After I've purged the items I don't want from an area, the next step is organizing it. I've been buying baskets and other containers in order to better organize the tings we're keeping. In the bathroom cabinet, all of the medicines are in divided baskets, organized by use. On the back porch laundry room, the laundry supplies are all in a basket up in front of the cabinet, so that if I need to access something behind, I can just take out the basket. Same with the pet medicines, treats, and toys. It may sound painfully obvious to group often-used-together items in a basket, but for me it is a revelation.

The place where I'm getting hung up right now is clothes. I'm two sizes bigger than "usual", since I haven't lost all of my baby weight. And I'm honestly not trying all that hard, since we're also trying to have another baby. Hard exercise can affect fertility, and I don't want to push my body too hard. Plus, I'm still recovering from blood-loss anemia. So there's my list of excuses. Regardless, I had to buy some new clothes so that I could get out of my maternity stuff. I went on a Goodwill shopping spree, and even though I spent less than $50, I now have 6 new shirts and 4 pairs of pants added to my closet. I'm also storing both my class A and B uniforms, maternity clothes, some workout/backpacking clothes. I have more clothes now than ever before. I've gotten rid of some things I'm fairly certain I'd never wear again, even when it fits me, but some things need to stay. I'm still looking for a good solution to this. In the meantime, they've moved into the linen closet so that I don't have to stare at them every day.

Still. Today I need to tackle the laundry situation. It's getting scary. Then if I have time, we need to go through the bathroom again before we take everything out in preparation for demolition.

The time has come

2011-09-16T11:21:00.002-04:00

... the walrus said, to talk of many things. Of tiles and tubs and toilet seats, of cabinets and sinks.

Okay, so I totally butchered Lewis Carroll. But the point is, the time has come! We may be sort of broke right now, but yesterday was the last straw. The plumber/general construction guy (who we like and trust) came over yesterday to check out the toilet and leaky wax ring. And found that the leaky wax ring has been leaking for about 10 years. The underlayment in the bathroom is ruined, some of the subfloor is rotted through, and the toilet is slowly sinking into the kitchen. Both Shayne and I are so, so tired of the slow demise of both the kitchen and bathroom (which is mostly the bathroom's fault), we're tired of ruined ceilings and flooring, and tired of fixing one thing just to have another go wrong. The piecemeal repair is not working any longer.

We've decided to just bite the bullet and get a small home equity loan/line to remodel the bathroom. We need new water supplies in there, since the hot water for the tub is down to a fast trickle (okay, I'm exaggerating a bit, but it's nowhere near the pressure it should be), and in order to have that galvanized line taken out, we need to rip out walls. Since we would be ripping out so much to repair what we need to, we're just going to mostly gut it and start over. The PPOs who remodeled the bathroom to begin with did so much half-assed work elsewhere in the house that I'm scared of what is going on in there. Only by taking apart the room will we be certain that there's nothing else lurking in the walls, waiting to leak. We'd also like to examine the wiring, since everything we've discovered has been scary and unsafe. He had a tendency to just duct tape around wires and leave them hanging in the walls. And a fire is the LAST thing we need.

We'll have an estimate by Monday. It's kind of a good thing that I've been obsessing over the bathroom since before we even moved into this house; it made the planning stage so much faster! I know exactly what I want.

I hate the idea of borrowing money, but I love the idea of finally getting what I want. I love the idea of having another room in this house finished and beautiful. I love the idea of being able to take a bath without half of me sticking out of the water.

This is going to be great.

Here's a few of my inspiration shots to tide you over:

Winter is coming

2011-09-14T19:17:00.002-04:00

Being poor sucks. Obviously, we're not destitute. We have a roof over our heads, food to eat, and plenty to be thankful for. But our saving account has been just about exhausted, and I have $300 in our checking to last us til next payday. That doesn't include paying the NIPSCO bill, our IRA contribution, groceries, or gas. Or the toilet repair that is happening tomorrow. Basically, we have no disposable income and barely enough to cover the necessities.

I haven't been this broke since college. My last paycheck was $285. I didn't have enough sick time to cover the time I took off after the miscarriage, so I got docked for 8 or 9 days.

Times like this make me so glad that I store food. I have lots of flour, sugar, and yeast for bread. TONS of pasta and sauce. Canned fruits and soups. Broth. A freezer full of meat and veggies.

People used to put up food for winter, because no fresh food was available outside of the growing season. With modern transportation, that's no longer strictly necessary. Even when it's winter in Indiana, it's summer in Chile, and we have the luxury of (fairly) fresh produce year-round. It's also no longer necessary to butcher meat in the fall so that we don't have to feed it through the winter.

But what about a figurative winter? A time when you don't have the means to buy food? Or you may have to choose between buying food and keeping the electricity on? Our situation is nowhere near that dire; I'll have a normal-sized paycheck next week, and we'll start to rebuild our savings. But if we hadn't had that savings, it very well could have come to that.

I look at my food storage as an insurance policy against the lean times in our life. Winter is always coming, literal and figurative, and we should do everything in our power to ensure that we are prepared.

House. Work.

2011-08-22T07:22:00.000-04:00

The good news is that we're back to working on the house. The bad news is that it's because of a plumbing leak...

On Wednesday night last week, Shayne dumped some sulfuric acid drain cleaner down the sink and toilet drains. 5 minutes later, when he started flushing the drain with water, he realized the tub drain was leaking. Into the kitchen. In case you didn't know, sulfuric acid is some nasty stuff. When it came out our pipe and into the kitchen, it ate the finish off of the countertop as well as the nice, shiny fronts of our (new) stainless steel dishwasher and refrigerator.

We (meaning Shayne) pulled down the soggy ceiling tiles and neutralized the acid with baking soda. The sink drain was now stopped up completely, so I dumped backing soda down the drain and plunged until it stopped fizzing. I used an entire box. But I was afraid if I let the acid sit in the pipe, it would eat the pipe like it had the shower drain.

We called out a plumber that my mom has used, and he came out on Thursday. He took down some lath and plaster in the corner of the kitchen ceiling and completely replaced the old galvanized drain with PVC. Thanks to the PPOs, the tub drain went uphill in a loop before connecting to the original galvanized and running to the main stack. There was also a clean-out fitting crammed in there, which was totally useless because the only plumbing access was reached by ripping out the kitchen ceiling. Sigh. I should have gotten a picture, but it was yet another completely jacked-up repair courtesy of our "handy" PPO. Thanks K!

But anyways, that's long gone. Today the plumber is back removing the bathroom drain pipe. There was only a leak in a corroded fitting, but we told him to get rid of everything. I'm SO done with water leaks, especially the kind that start upstairs and end in the kitchen or basement.

Yesterday was spent tearing out the ceiling tiles and removing the lath and plaster where the sink drain runs. Our kitchen ceiling is a wreck. The plaster is covered with THICK, shiny, yellow paint (mmm, lead!) that is falling off in most places. Observe Exhibit A (this is after I knocked off a lot of the loose chips with a broom):

Please note the duct-taped wires protruding from the ceiling to the left of the fan. That's bad.

Also note the insulation visible where the lath has already been removed. It's pulped newspaper blown into the sidewalls by the PO. It "leaked" into the first four joist cavities. I prefer it to fiberglass, since it's not itchy, but it still made a HUGE mess when we tore out the lath. We had a pile about 3 feet high in the corner of the kitchen and filled a contractor-size trash bag.

As of this morning, our poor kitchen looked like this:

Hopefully soon we'll have a new PVC drain line installed for the sink.

More bad news

2011-08-16T09:34:00.002-04:00

I took Kitty to the vet yesterday because a thought-to-be benign lump on her torso had gotten much larger. We're still waiting for confirmation, but it is looking like Kitty has cancer. She's 17, so she's lived a good, long life. But it still sucks. We'll probably have to have her put to sleep, since the vet found another tumor. To remove them both would cost approximately $1100, and we just can't spend that kind of money on my poor cat.

I'm so tired of bad news, and sad news, and things going wrong...

House of cards?

2011-08-07T11:27:00.001-04:00

I keep wondering whether the healthy attitude I have about the loss of our babies is real or a defense mechanism. I'm sad. I'm so incredibly sad, and disappointed too. But after my first miscarriage, I was sad in a different way. I felt like God was punishing me, like if I'd done things differently, made different choices in my life, then maybe He wouldn't have taken my baby from me. It felt like He was retaliating, or trying to prove a point, or something. I was angry, and guilt-ridden, and miserable, on top of the "normal" feelings of loss and sadness.

This time it's different, even though the loss is several orders of magnitude larger. These were babies, not just a ball of cells that never developed into a baby. But this time I feel like loss is just a part of life. It seems that with everything modern medicine can do for people, we've lost sight of the fact that it is not God. There are so many things medicine can't fix. This seems especially true when it comes to reproduction. Before 24 weeks, and often not even then, there's really nothing that can be done when things go wrong with babies. Sometimes they can help the mother, like in the case of incompetent cervix or some premature labors. But the baby itself... It's all in God's hands.

I no longer see God as a angry and vengeful being, meting out punishments. I don't think He points His finger and says, "You will have cancer," or, "You will suffer from AIDS." Granted, I do believe that He could make all disease, sickness, and suffering stop. But it's part of our life experience, and how we live our life and the sometimes painful experiences in it, determines our character. I could choose to become bitter. But instead, I'm choosing to look ahead and remain hopeful that we will be blessed with another healthy, full-term child in the future.

Nickle and dimed (with some extra zeroes)

2011-08-05T12:50:00.001-04:00

I woke up today feeling awful. I overdid it a bit yesterday and ended up bleeding again. Oops. And even though I got about 8 hours of sleep, I don't really feel rested at all. Oh well. It's not like I had big plans today or anything.

I should have taken a few pics of the huge tree limb before they cleaned it up. The tree trimmers came on Wednesday. Since our septic is between the back of the yard and the driveway, they couldn't take their big truck back there. So they took a Bobcat. Our yard is totally trashed. I can only imagine what the European countryside looked like during WWII if one little Bobcat could tear up our yard so much. On top of it all, it cost $400. At least we still have a bit in savings to get us through the rest of the time I'm off work, but that will about wipe us out. And that's not even counting the medical bills that I know are coming... Thank God I have a job to go back to, even if it's just riding a desk for a while. Shayne has also picked up some overtime in another small town, so we'll have some extra money coming in from that as well.

I didn't post about it yet, but we had another plumbing incident in between the loss of the babies. The main drain clogged (again) and backed up into the kitchen sink. The kitchen drain plumbing chose that time to give out and started leaking from every joint. We got a bucket under it fairly quickly, but some water still got into the cabinet, went through the floor, and into the basement. We had the drain snaked so the water would go down, and the guy was planning on coming back in two days to install a clean-out in the basement so that he could really clean out the line between the septic and the house (They poured the driveway over the tank and installed a riser so that there would be access from outside. But there's no way to clean the line from outside now. Thanks Previous-Previous Owner...We'll just add that to the list of reasons I love you.). Unfortunately, the first cleaning didn't "take", so when Shayne went up to take a shower, it all came up the kitchen sink, out the leaky drain, overflowed the bucket, and into the basement. All over our pantry.

Suffice it to say that it's all better now. Shayne re-plumbed the drain, Drain Guy installed the clean-out, and $900 later, we have a functional wastewater disposal system.

Seriously, if we make it through this year without going into debt, it will be a miracle.

Two weeks

2011-08-02T16:05:00.001-04:00

My tiny baby boy has been dead for two weeks.

Sometimes I feel okay. I don't sit around and cry all day, or anything. I'm not exactly back to normal physically, so I'm pretty limited in what I'm able to do. But I've had visits and phone calls from friends and family, I work on small tasks I can accomplish while sitting, and I've been reading a lot. Most of the time, I feel almost normal. And then I'll think of something, and it somehow leads back to the fact that I was expecting two babies, and now I'm not going to have any. Or rather, I had them, but I'll never nurse them, they'll never make cute baby noises, and they'll never grow up. It sucks.

I want something to look forward to. My future right now seems like a blank canvas, but in a bad way. I don't know where I'm going with work, with family, with anything. I was officially offered the K9 position at work after we learned I'd only be having one baby. I agreed to it, since that had been the original plan. But now that we're not having any babies, I feel a little conflicted. I really think I want to try again. I don't want to give up on the idea of having another child. That puts a big crimp in my career plans... But I don't think it matters. If the job stuff is supposed to work out, it will eventually.

I never thought I'd say this, but I actually miss being pregnant. I just don't know if we're going to be able to emotionally handle trying to conceive another baby. I knew with our first miscarriage that something was wrong. I mentioned to Shayne several times that I thought something was wrong with our baby. It was more a "what if" kind of feeling, but it was there nonetheless. With Ethan, I never had that. I worried a bit, but in a more normal, non-specific way. With the twins, I was worried at 7 weeks that something wasn't right, which is what led to the ultrasound that found both babies. And after that, I was sort of fixated on Vanishing Twin Syndrome and NICU babies. After Owen was born, I told numerous people that I didn't feel like anything was wrong with Baby B, and that I didn't think I was going to lose her. And there wasn't anything wrong with her. If the placentas hadn't been fused, she almost certainly would have been fine.

But now I feel like I'll be paranoid no matter what. Hearing a heartbeat is no guarantee of safety. Feeling a baby move doesn't mean she'll be okay. I think I'd be a wreck the entire time, regardless of gut feelings. I would so love to have one of those "Zen" pregnancies where the mama-to-be is totally calm, positive, and at one with the Universe throughout. But I'm such a control freak that I don't know if I could even come close. Maybe if I could be cloistered with a bunch of nuns or something...

Carrying on...

2011-08-01T10:53:00.002-04:00

Grief seems to come in waves. The first day, I felt terribly guilty. Then just sad. I'm also a little angry. I feel like I got cheated; I was supposed to have two babies, and now I'm not going to have any. It's rough. I'm waiting for my really bad day to come along, like it did after Owen's birth and before Sophia's. I know there will be (at least) one day where I'll be an absolute emotional wreck the entire day, but it's kind of nice to get it all out at once.

I'm pretty sure my milk is coming in. I was going to pump and donate it to our milk bank, but they don't accept donations after a transfusion until 4 months have gone by. It seemed like it would be a nice thing to do in the month or so before I go back to work (and probably for a while afterwards), but I can't pump and dump for 4 months. I don't think I could handle it emotionally. I'm trying to decide whether to pump and give it to Ethan, but there is a little part of me that worries. If my milk isn't safe enough to donate, is it safe enough for him? He's getting organic, grass-fed milk from a local farm, so I'm not sure my milk would be any healthier/more beneficial at this point.

Shayne and I had talked before we even started trying to conceive this year, and we'd decided that if we ever had another loss, we'd just stop and be happy with our little family. I realize I can't make any truly rational decisions right now, but I'm fairly certain that when I'm able, I want to try just one more time. The idea of another loss like this terrifies me, and I know I'd spend my pregnancy even more anxious than I was this time. There are a lot of logical reasons against it: I have my dream job waiting for me back at work (K9 officer), it would be a financial setback to have me off work again, and it means continuing to postpone fixing up and selling our home. But I want so badly for Ethan to have a sibling. I want to have another newborn nurse, watch him/her learn to coo, to smile, to crawl. I want a rainbow after all of our tears... And in the grand scheme of things, it seems silly to put work, money, and the like ahead of family. I may regret not pursuing my dream job, but I think I'd regret even more not allowing another child into our hearts and lives. But I don't have to decide right now.

My physical recovery seems to be coming along well. I actually feel halfway normal today, which is good. If I can DO something, then it keeps my mind busy enough so that I don't feel so miserable. I also really miss physical activity. I don't want to go jogging or anything, but it'll be nice when I feel up to taking short walks. Right now, just walking across the house leaves me winded. I can't imagine how awful I'd feel if I hadn't gotten a transfusion...

In other happy news, we had part of our huge box elder tree come crashing down on our chicken coop. Thankfully Shayne over-engineers everything (especially good if he builds our house!), and the chickens and coop itself are fine. The tree... Not so much. We're going to need to have the tree trimmers back out to clean it up; the biggest part of the branch that fell is at least 16" in diameter. And then it forks into two gigantic branches. What a mess. I can't wait to see how much this costs...

The story of the twins: Part 10

2011-07-31T10:28:00.002-04:00

I am posting these updates retroactively. It's actually August 1, but I feel like this is an important part of my life to share. These posts were originally on a message board, but since my blog is something like my journal, I wanted to have the story here as well. Also, I'm sure I'll mention these events in the future, so I want the background available. And, just maybe, my story will help someone else who is going though the same thing.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We named her Sophia Marie. She weighed 7 oz and was 8 inches long. She had a heartbeat for about 4 hours after birth, and we were able to have her blessed by the hospital chaplain before she died. We had my mom and MIL in to meet our baby girl, and both of them held her. But I couldn't. I looked, but I just couldn't bring myself to hold the baby my body had forced from my womb. The hospital took photos, footprints, and made a cast of her hands. A professional photographer also came in to take pictures. Later that night, the funeral home came to pick her up. We're having her and her brother cremated and plan to plant a tree in their memory. We may or may not scatter the ashes.

The placenta was sent off to a lab to be checked for abnormalities. Both were fused, which is what caused my body to continue contractions after Baby A (we named him Owen Lee) was born. Somehow my body knew that a placenta needed to come out, but didn't realize it was attached to the "live" placenta. The "dead" placenta was also very likely the source of my infection. Once I had miscarried Owen, loss was inevitable.

I came home from the hospital yesterday morning, after receiving more antibiotics overnight. It's good to be home and to spend time with Ethan, but I'm just so sad. Shayne and I had agreed after our first loss, that if we ever had another, we'd be done trying for babies. And although I know it's way too soon to make decisions, all I want right now is a baby. I feel cheated. I never wanted or expected twins, and was just starting to get used to the idea. Now I have to adjust to the idea of no babies at all. It's so hard.

The story of the twins: Part 9

2011-07-29T17:19:00.001-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Worst day ever... I'm still at the hospital, so this will be quick. I started to miscarry last night and lost a lot of blood. We came to the hospital around 8 am. I had an infection as well as needing a blood transfusion and fluids.

I delivered Baby Girl several hours layer. The placentas were fused, and my body has been trying to rid itself of the "dead" portion since I had Baby Boy. It was also likely the cause of the infection.

I still feel horrible. I don't know how to deal with it, and all I can do is cry. I'm staying overnight at the hospital because of the transfusions, but will go home in the morning. I'm just heartbroken.

The story of the twins: Part 8

2011-07-28T10:14:00.014-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things aren't looking good. I started cramping and having contractions last night, and I lost maybe 3 good-sized pieces of what appeared to me to be placenta. I also lost a lot of fluid at one point, but I wasn't able to determine really how much or what color it was, because I was sitting on the toilet at the time. There's a really good chance that it was amniotic fluid. I pretty much prepared for the worst and resigned myself to the fact that I was having a miscarriage.

And then it all stopped. Again. I wish my body would figure out what the heck it's doing and do it already.

I called my midwife, and the ultrasound tech doesn't come in til this afternoon. I have an appointment at 12:45 to see what's going on with my cervix, the placenta, and amniotic fluid levels. I'm almost scared that the baby will still have a heartbeat. I sort of just don't want to hope anymore. My midwife wasn't terribly optimistic, but also seemed confused that everything had suddenly stopped. I can still feel the baby high up in my uterus, laying transverse. I thought I felt movement once, but I'm nowhere near sure.

I just don't know.

Later: The only "good" news is that the baby still has a heartbeat (154). My membranes did rupture, likely from all the contracting to pass a large piece of placenta last night. The baby has some fluid, but not much. The doc says not enough for lung development, but I've read some stories about similar situations, and I still have a shred of hope. My cervix was more open than it was before, but I'm still passing bits and pieces. It's not fully dilated or anything, so they have no idea if I'm close to a full-blown miscarriage or not.

Basically, we're still wait-and-see. The OB is going to talk to the perinatologist to see if an infusion of fluid may do some good. The OB was of the opinion that is of more risk than benefit right now. There is a small chance that the membranes will repair themselves and/or refill, but it's not likely.

I was so shocked that there was still a heartbeat. If nothing else, this little baby girl is a hell of a fighter.

Even later: Ugh. What a long, crappy, trying day. I can still feel baby girl moving around, and my heart just breaks that my body isn't the safe place for her that it should be.

My temp is up to a little over 100F, and every other time I've had a temperature spike, it's meant that I'm preparing to lose more tissue/placenta/whatever. I'm NOT looking forward to tonight. The cervix and uterus aren't supposed to be voluntary muscles, but I wonder if somehow I'm holding everything in during the day and it can only come out after I've gone to sleep. I've heard of women holding off having babies during wars or for spouses to arrive, and I wonder if I'm inadvertently just prolonging things.

Part of me wants so badly to just be done. I don't see a happy ending to this no matter what, since there will be physical effects to my baby even if she manages to make it to viability. And then I feel her wiggle around inside me, and I know I can't possibly give up when she's fighting so hard. What a horrible place to be.

The story of the twins: Part 7

2011-07-27T10:08:00.006-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The good news is that we're 8 days in, and Baby Girl is still in there. Not-so-good news is that I was up with contractions for what seemed like half the night. Talk about making you paranoid, especially because the baby was lower in my uterus than usual. I can't say how many contractions or how often, because I was honestly afraid to look. I just figured if I was going to give birth, I'd know soon enough. I drank a big glass of water, laid on my side, and prayed that if this was it I'd get it over quickly. And they went away.

Looking back at Ethan's birth, I had a few times where I initially thought I was in labor. I would have regular contractions for an hour or so, then they'd taper off and go away. But when the real labor contractions hit, they were so much stronger than the "practice" contractions. And now that I'm awake and rational, this seems like much the same thing, more like BH contractions than the Real Thing.

This morning, Baby Girl was back up high in my uterus and I could feel her moving around. I'm feeling much, much better emotionally than yesterday, but I'm SO tired. I'd kill for a decent night of sleep. On top of all the pregnancy-related drama, we've had a plumbing back-up, flooded basement, and a $800 bill for installing a clean-out in our main drain. We'll also have bills from 2 hospital visits, though I'm praying it'll be like when I had Ethan and between my and Shayne's insurance, we'll come out free and clear. It's been a rough couple weeks. I'll take my vacation now!!

The story of the twins: Part 6

2011-07-26T16:07:00.002-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took a "mental health day" from work - I just couldn't bear to go in and face anyone. I couldn't even call in and talk to the secretary. She's a nice woman, but asks lots of questions, and I just couldn't deal. I know it's because she cares, she cried yesterday when I told her we had lost one of the babies, but I wasn't up for it today. I texted a co-worker and asked him to tell her to put me down for a sick day when he went in. He had taken a personal day, but he called in for me. I love my guys. I guess the secretary tried to play 20 questions with him too, but all I had told him was that I was tired and emotionally drained.

I still dropped Ethan off at the babysitters (my best friend's parents) and spent some time talking with them. Just normal stuff, nothing about babies or pregnancy or anything stressful. It was nice to be able to forget about everything for 20 minutes.

I came home, ate some junk food - I am SUCH a stress-induced eater! - and chilled out reading for a while. And then I had to use the bathroom. While I was sitting, I just lost it. I'm so tired of waiting for something to fall out of me every time I have to pee! I'm tired of wearing pads. I've been in the damned things for 3 weeks, and now I can't even wear cloth because I don't want to risk any infection. I'm sick of every little stomach gurgle making me paranoid, of counting the days to some magical "safe" number that will never make me feel safe, and of wondering if my body will suddenly reject the baby girl I still have growing inside me.

I now totally understand why people have scheduled inductions or c-sections. If I were 36 weeks today, I'd tell them to just cut me open and get this baby out already. I want to see her, I want to *know* she's okay instead of just waiting and hoping for itty-bitty little flutters. I want to hold a living baby, not a tiny, still being that fit in the palm of my hand.

I don't even have any tears left, but I can't stop crying today. I'm not sure what I'm even crying for. Loss of Baby Boy? Worry for Baby Girl? Self-pity? Fear of the future? I even feel sort of relieved that I'm *not* having twins, because I just was never able to wrap my head around having two babies at once. Obviously, I'd never have wished for this to happen, but... It's all just a big jumble. I know it's all normal and natural, and I'm working through a lot at one time. I know it's not all going to go away overnight. I know that it will get a little easier.

But today it all just really sucks.

The story of the twins: Part 5

2011-07-26T10:06:00.001-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Still here. 7 days down.

I had a really rough night last night. I lost a dried apricot-sized clot around 7 pm, and freaked out a little bit. I spent the rest of the evening just laying down and taking it easy, trying to feel Baby Girl moving. I started bleeding a little more, but that seems normal, since something detached and came out. I felt a little better after nothing else happened, and even managed to get to bed early.

But I must have gotten up 4 or 5 times overnight just to check and see if I was bleeding. I'd lay there in bed, and it would feel like my pad was sopping wet, or that blood was just running out of me... And I'd go to the bathroom and there would be nothing. Not that I'm complaining that it was nothing, but it sure didn't make for a restful night. On top of it all, I had some gas from my prenatal, and every time I'd feel *something* moving around in my pelvis, I'd kind of freak out a bit until I was sure what it was.

I was going to go back to work full time starting tomorrow, but maybe I'll wait for that magic 2 week mark. Hopefully then I'll be sleeping a little better and/or more relaxed. I'm kind of an emotional mess today.

Later: I ended up passing another little clot, so I called my midwife. She was on her days off, but still spent about a half hour on the phone talking with me. She agrees that if I'm going to miscarry at this point, it will be a big, physically traumatic thing. Not like I'll just sit down on the toilet and have a baby fall out with no warning. I sort of assumed as much, but it was nice to hear it from someone else. She encouraged me to stay positive, since my body has done everything it could so far to keep Baby Girl safe, and even though I'm bleeding more, it's pretty obviously in response to losing clots and not totally random.

I'm still just having a rough day. All I want to do is cry. It's so freaking HARD to not know what's going to happen, on top of having lost one baby already. I don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of this pregnancy without having a mental breakdown.

The story of the twins: Part 4

2011-07-25T10:02:00.002-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

6 days!

I seriously dread every night because that's when I lost the baby and both pieces of the placenta. Since there was no pain, I kind of freak out a bit every time I go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. It's like I'm just waiting for something else to fall out, even though I know that if there were problems now, it would be a full-blown labor/miscarriage experience and have lots of signs.

I was reading a bit in the birth loss forums, and came across a good idea. I had my mom make some phone calls, and we found a funeral home that will cremate Baby Boy for us for free. I feel terrible about keeping him in the freezer... But I don't want to bury him until we know what will happen with his sister. This will be a good interim solution, and then we may choose to scatter his ashes near the place where he was born and still plant the tree in our yard as a memorial.

I wasn't feeling Baby Girl moving yesterday, so I got a little worried. I laid on the couch and called my best friend, and she started wiggling up a storm. I guess she likes her "aunt"! I also felt her a bit last night. I'm so, so grateful for every day she stays inside growing bigger and stronger. Only 8 more days til the doc will be more optimistic, then 7 weeks to official viability.

The story of the twins: Part 3

2011-07-24T09:43:00.007-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

We're 5 days post-delivery of Baby A, and Baby B still seems fine. I'm spotting less and less, and I feel better physically than I have in AGES. I was exhausted and in pain for a long time before this happened. But now I'm cautiously optimistic that everything will be okay. I was worried from week 7 that something was wrong with this pregnancy, and after finding that it was twins, I was worried about losing one. I never expected to miscarry, but I was worried about vanishing twin, or having major complications from them being born too early. I'm still worried that Baby B might not stick, but I don't feel like I'm going to lose her, you know what I mean? I must pray at least a hundred times a day for her to stay in there and stay healthy, and I hope that God is going to bless us with a miracle baby.

We've decided to bury Baby A in the backyard and plant a tree over him. We are thinking a weeping cherry, since 1) they have beautiful flowers, and 2) we were up north in cherry country when I gave birth to him. We don't plan on living here forever, but I'm okay with leaving him if we move. My aunt thinks we should buy a cemetery plot or something... But I don't want to be buried in a cemetery, and I don't want my baby in one either. If I could legally bury him up on a sand dune by Lake Michigan or in a cherry orchard, I'd do that. Barring that, I believe his place is at home. I guess I'm not that attached to the physical remains of people. My grieving process isn't dependent on or helped by being able to "visit" them. I would like to maybe have his footprints engraved or photo-engraved on a pendent or something.

The story of the twins: Part 2

2011-07-22T09:41:00.002-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay. I saw both my OB and a maternal fetal medicine specialist this morning. They just checked for a heartbeat at my OB appointment, and asked general questions about how I was doing, are we coping okay, etc. He did find a heatbeat, though the baby was squirming so much that we couldn't get an accurate reading.

At the specialist, we had a very detailed ultrasound. She checked the placenta, my cervix, the amniotic sac, and all major anatomy. The placenta has blood flow to the entire organ, and my cervix appears to be closed. They usually use a transvaginal ultrasound to check cervical stuff, but because of the risk of infection, just used the abdominal one. Baby B is doing just fine, is still measuring about a week ahead, and shows no signs of being in any distress. And, from what the tech saw, she is just about positive that Baby B is a little girl.

The not-so-good news is that I could still miscarry at any time. The specialist said that in 30 years of practice, he has seen this happen 5 times. In one, the mother miscarried both twins 5 days apart at a little over 20 weeks. I didn't ask what happened to the other 4. He did say that if Baby B stays in there for 2 weeks after the birth of Baby A, he sees no reason why I couldn't and wouldn't carry til the baby is full term. Basically, the longer the baby is in there, the less we can worry. Right now it's just day by day. There is still a significant risk of infection, but he doesn't want to suppress my immune system by arbitrarily ordering antibiotics. He also said that everything looks nearly perfect physically, and that if he hadn't known I'd just miscarried a baby, there would be no indications that anything had happened.

So I guess it's about as good as it can be. I'll take it. Please, please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. Stay in there Baby Girl!

The story of the twins: Part 1

2011-07-21T09:31:00.021-04:00

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I lost one of the twins two days ago...

Shayne, Ethan, Alex (my step-daughter), and I were on vacation with my mother. We'd rented a cottage near Lake Michigan near Northport and were just planning on sitting on the beach, eating good food, and chilling out for a few days. I'd still been spotting and having weird pains, but I talked to the nurse practitioner at my midwife practice before I left, and she had said there's really no reason not to go; we weren't sure why I was having complications, but I'm so early that there's not much to be done anyways in the event of problems. I figured a little R&R would be a good thing, and hopefully I'd get rested up and start to feel a little better. I just haven't felt good since I had that flu about 2 weeks ago.

We got there, and everything was pretty much business as usual til the second day. I had a big gush of fluid at about 6 pm. Looking back, it was amniotic fluid, but I'd been having so much else going on "down there" that I sort of dismissed that thought. I did mention it to Shayne, but said I wasn't positive. But later that night I started bleeding more and had two small contractions. I gave birth to Baby A at about 2:30 am on the 19th.

We went to the hospital and took the baby with us. They checked to see if they could determine gender, but he (I'm just going to call it a he) was so small that they couldn't be sure. They took little impressions of his feet and photos for us and put it all together in a memory box.

I had an ultrasound there, and Baby B appeared to be doing fine. There was still a heartbeat and plenty of amniotic fluid. My cervix was also closed, which was a good thing. I didn't appear to be in imminent danger of losing the other baby, but the doctor said that the prognosis just isn't good. I guess when you lose one and actually give birth to it, the chances for having a successful pregnancy with the second baby go way down. I'd heard of vanishing twin syndrome (and was oddly worried about it since finding out I was pregnant with twins), but I've not really heard of losing and birthing one but not the other.

I'm on my way home now. We have an appointment with my midwife and ob tomorrow, then they'll decide whether or not they still want me to keep my specialist appointment that I had already scheduled. When I spoke to the nurse practitioner on the phone, she said that she has heard of a successful, full-term pregnancy after the loss of one baby, but we just have to be very careful about infection. I'm also worried because the hospital doc said I wasn't likely to lose the placenta until after I gave birth to the other baby (whether that be sooner or later), but I'm pretty sure I lost one piece on each of the past two nights...

I feel so strange. I'm so sad about losing Baby A, but grateful that Baby B seems ok. But I don't want to get my hopes up. Even if everything still looks okay at the appointment tomorrow, I know I'll spend the rest of the pregnancy paranoid. My weird pains are gone, and there was really no pain at all from the birthing process - not at all like my first miscarriage. I'm still spotting, too. It's like just waiting for the other shoe to drop. *sigh* I hate being pregnant... I wish there was some way to know if my other baby will be okay.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Happy solstice!

2011-06-22T12:21:00.000-04:00

It's officially summer. Shayne and I celebrated by doing a bunch of yard work this morning. We had a big tree limb come down about a week ago after a semi truck bumped it. Luckily, our neighbor has a chainsaw, and he came over to help out. We gave him the cut-up pieces to use as firewood. Then, two days later, about a quarter of the tree came crashing down. It's been struck by lightning several times, and I'm guessing that the shock from the semi was just the straw the broke the camel's back. This section was HUGE, and we had to call a tree trimmer. Thankfully, the trimmers cut everything into small-ish pieces, and Shayne loaded them in the truck and took them to a friend of ours.

We finished mowing, trimming, and cleaning up the front, then I went out to work on the garden. There was tons of crab grass mixed in with the onions, but I think I managed to only pull grass and no bulbs. The tomato bed was surprisingly weed-free, and the bed with the cukes and sweet potatoes only had a few.

The chickens are about a month old and pretty well feathered. I've been letting them have the run of the coop, instead of confining them to the hen house. Today, I'm allowing them to venture outside. They're staying right by the coop, happily eating bugs, mulberries, and grass. I worry that they'll get eaten, but I feel bad if I keep them inside the coop. I suppose that even if they are killed, at least they've lived happy lives just being chickens. However, I want them to live long, happy chicken lives, so I'm keeping a close eye on them.

Much of the rest of the yard looks like a jungle. The mosquitoes have been terrible, so it's been hard to get out there to take care of things. We are seriously considering spraying, even though I'm generally against that kind of thing. Now that the chicks are running around, I'm even more hesitant. We'll see.

Strawberries have finally come in, and I've been gorging myself on fresh fruit. My local eating has gone out the window a little bit; I've bought pineapple, cantaloupe, and watermelon so that I could make a fruit salad. I'll use pregnancy as an excuse. I don't want to eat many veggies, and fruit just sounds soooo good. I've been having a hard time with food, so I figure I'll just eat what I want, when I can.

I found a bread machine on ebay for about $25 last week. I can and have made bread without, but I figured I'd give it a go to see if it's easier. Since the bread we buy is almost $4 per loaf, if I can quickly and easily make my own, the machine will pay for itself in a week or two. I thought it might be a worthwhile purchase that will help us save money when I'm off work.

We still have so much to do before the babies get here. I'm 12 weeks along, and it seems like this pregnancy is just flying by...

2011-06-14T16:19:00.000-04:00

Ever since finding out that we're pregnant with twins (TWINS!!), any sort of progress on just about everything has ground to a halt. I'm tired, cranky, nauseous, and all-around pathetic. I can barely go into the kitchen without vomiting, and not because of the awful wallpaper and nasty ceiling tiles. It's all I can do to keep up with Ethan right now, so everything else is just on hold.

I have managed to get the garden planted, though I bought all my plants from the nursery. We have 40 roma tomatoes, about 50 spanish sweet onions, 4 peppers, 8 broccoli, 2 cucumbers, and 2 sweet potato vines. I would have liked to grow some lettuces, but the idea of salad right now makes me feel sick. Maybe in the fall.

We're also trying to plan out how we'll get by on one income. Thankfully, our mortgage payment is fairly low, our car is paid off, and we have no debt. Unfortunately, our car just needed $1400 worth of work. Also unfortunately, before we knew we were pregnant, we bought my step-daughter a car. We did pay cash for it, but it still put a sizable dent in our savings account. But now that she has reliable transportation, hopefully she can find a job and support us (ha-ha!).

The problem with living frugally is that when you need to, there aren't many places left to cut. We've already ditched cable for Netflix, we unplug all our electronics when not in use, and we buy almost everything secondhand. Granted, we also live way below our means, but when you're looking at cutting your income by more than half, it's still a little intimidating. We're obviously trying to save as much between now and when I quit working as possible. We're still eating out more than I'd like, since cooking (or even going into the kitchen) is almost certain to make me throw up. I'll be rectifying that as soon as my hormones settle down and I can cook again. We cut our trash service to the bare minimum, since I doubt we'll be renovating anything any time soon. We're also working on building up our food storage further as things go on sale or are in season.

While part of me is scared to cut our income by so much, part of me is intrigued by the challenge. It will be interesting to see just how far we can get Shayne's salary to go. And since I'm taking a leave of absence from work, we still have a safety net. When I was on maternity leave last time, I was amazed at just how little money we spent. After all, there's no eating out with 2 newborns and a toddler! It might be a bit rough, but it'll definitely be an interesting ride!

"New" prairie-style front door

2011-05-20T15:39:00.000-04:00

After languishing in the corner of the living room for about 2 years, my mom paid for the 9-lite, prairie-style front door we had found at the ReStore to be installed. Our carpenter has turned out to be a bit flaky, and it's been 4 months since he picked up the door to flip the hardware. But today he came by and installed it!!

I'm so excited. It just absolutely makes the living room. The 60's-style door is gone, and the prairie-style door feels like it's been here forever. I'm especially excited because the carpenter managed to keep the original hardware. We still need to refinish the door so it matches the woodwork, but for now, I'm ecstatic just to have a door that suits the house.

But boy does it make our screen door look awful....

Oh. My.

2011-05-20T15:32:00.000-04:00

I was hoping my next post would be about how I worked through my family vs. career issues in a sane and rational manner, providing hope and insight to women everywhere. Yeah. Not so much.

I went for an ultrasound on Monday, after becoming extremely worried I was going to miscarry. I had been horribly nauseous, but it suddenly vanished. That's about what happened when I did miscarry, so I was concerned. My midwife was very understanding, and after talking to me about it on the phone, managed to squeeze me in for an ultrasound that afternoon.

I went there prepared for the worst. But once there, the tech immediately found a little 7-week-old nugget with a perfect heartbeat. Everything looked great, and I was so relieved. "Oh, but wait," the tech said, "there's another one!"

Twins. I'm pregnant with twins.

I think I've gone through every emotion imaginable in the past 5 days. I'm totally shocked, excited, terrified, and disappointed, all at once. I'm so very glad that the babies appear healthy, but worried about what two babies are going to mean for my future. I know it sounds terribly selfish, but we just weren't expecting this at all, so all my plans have suddenly flown out the window. I'm definitely a planner, so I feel very lost now.

I don't know if I'll go back to work. I enjoy my job, but with two newborns and a toddler to care for, I'm not even sure if it will make financial sense. We'll easily spend one of my paychecks just on a nanny. And a part time job would be able to make up the difference and allow me to stay home and raise my family.

So... Everything is still way, WAY up in the air. Maybe we'll figure out where we're headed sometime soon, but I think it's going to take a while. Like I told Shayne when we first started talking about moving, "I think we're going to live in this house a long time."

Priorities...

2011-04-30T11:43:00.001-04:00

I've found myself very confused lately. A lot of things are happening all at once, all of them are good, and they're all things I want, but I'm still not truly sure how I feel about everything as a whole. If you've read anything I've written, you know that I put a high priority on obtaining a greater level of self-sufficiency. We were on a mission to fix up our home, put it on the market by next spring, and then either build or buy our forever home on 5+ acres of land.

One of the ideas we have toyed with was buying fairly inexpensive land, building our own home from as much salvage as possible, and then quitting work to stay at home with our kid(s). We only have one now, but we wanted one more. I am interested in homeschooling and it's important to me to "free-range" our kids. I want them to grow up playing in the woods, not playgrounds. I want livestock and to garden. I want us to eat humanely raised, home-grown food, and for my kids to participate in that. Because of the high cost of land in our area, building our own home is the only way that we could own acreage and still afford for me to quit my job.

But I like my job. I work with a great group of people, and I find a lot of fulfillment through helping people. I don't kid myself that I'm super-cop or anything, but I DO make a difference in people's lives. Recently, our department began a hiring process for K-9 handlers. Having a working dog is something I've always been interested in. I'm a dog person, and I enjoy training and working with our family dog. I also like patrol work, so having a dog to assist with drug detection and tracking is pretty much everything I ever wanted out of my career. I went through the process, did very well, and am in line to get a K-9 partner next spring (which will be the next dog our department adds). I'd have gotten one sooner, except that...

I found out I'm pregnant.

This wasn't a complete surprise. We weren't doing anything to prevent pregnancy, but we didn't expect it so quickly. But obviously I'm very excited about the new addition to our family, and I can't wait for Ethan to have a little brother or sister.

And I guess what it all boils down to is that my priorities for family and career are conflicting in a way I never imagined they would. If I get a dog, it's an 8 to 10 year commitment to the department. Obviously they can't keep me from quitting if I decide to, but I take that commitment very seriously. I'd be making a deal, and I would make good on it. I'm also in a position to realize one of my dreams. They're willing to work around my pregnancy and maternity leave, which I think is awesome. This is a chance I may never have again.

But I feel like I'm giving up my dreams for our family. Obviously we can still move to a new home with more property, and we'd be able to afford more property and/or a nicer house (or just more savings and a greater financial cushion) if I was still contributing a paycheck. But the possibility of staying home, farming, and raising children would be taken off the table. I could do some of it, some of the time. I know I could homeschool in the mornings and work in the afternoon. We could still have animals, a garden, and learn to be more self-sufficient. But we'd need to hire a nanny. Our current sitters have a home business and cannot take care of a super-busy toddler and an infant. Having a dog means I wouldn't be able to switch shifts at work. I'd be on afternoons for the foreseeable future. Eating dinner at home every night would not be a reality. Shayne and I would almost certainly stay on separate shifts in order to maximize the amount of time our kids spend with us instead of a caregiver.

I'm not sure if I'm okay with this. But I'm not sure I want to give up my career goals. Right now, it doesn't seem like there's a compromise. I was planning on working another 4 years anyways, because we are vested in the retirement program after 8 years. It seems silly to give up a pension. But before the K-9 position opened up, I had also contemplated switching to first shift so that DH and I could have more family time. Ethan would spend more time with a caregiver, but DH and I would see each other more. We could have dinner together every night.

I don't know how to figure out what is best for our family. I don't know how to figure out what is best for me! I feel like I would forever regret not realizing my career dream, but I don't want to achieve my personal goals at the expense of my family. I was raised by a single mom, and I know it doesn't damage kids to have a caregiver instead of mom or dad 24 hours per day. But I also never imagined I'd want to give up my job to stay home and raise babies. There are so many ways to look at this equation that it makes my head spin.

I don't know if I'm looking for advice, BTDT stories, or what. But if you've read this entire "book", I'd appreciate hearing from you!

Salvage score: cast iron bath tub

2011-03-31T10:59:00.000-04:00

I was driving around at work a few days ago and noticed that there was a company clearing trees around a few abandoned houses. Correctly assuming that this meant the houses would be demolished, I stopped and asked the driver of an excavator (who was conveniently the company owner) if I could check around the house for any woodwork, windows, or the like that I could salvage. He said it was no problem, and to just let him know what I might like.

The house was something of a mess, and almost all of the woodwork, windows, and flooring were water damaged. The cabinets were falling apart, though they looked to have been cute once-upon-a-time. But then I walked into the bathroom and saw a nice, deep, old tub, just like the one in my mom's house.

I went back and talked to the company owner again, and he agreed that we could have the tub. I then mentioned that I had no way of getting it out myself; I was obviously working, and my husband was at home watching our baby. Since the house was being demo-ed the next morning, I didn't see any way to remove it. He (very generously!) said that his crew would take it out and set it off to the side for us. Awesome! He also mentioned that they were contracted to demolish a duplex in Mishawaka, and would we like to look at it before they took it down? You bet we would! He said there were old kitchen cabinets, woodwork, doors, and windows in it. He took my phone number and said he'd call me when they were a little closer to the demolition day.

I'm going to stop back by the destruction site today and offer him some cash for his time and effort. Cast iron doesn't have a high scrap value, so I'm confident it will be more than he would have gotten for the tub at a scrap yard. I'm hoping that maybe we can establish a good working relationship, and maybe we'll call us before he works on any old house.

Maybe my Aunt Virginia is right and I should have been a Sheeny Man instead of a cop (though I seem to be doing okay at both at the moment!)...

I'm still hoping that if/when we build our "new" house, that we can do it with as much recycled building material as possible. I don't want a new-looking home; I love the character and quality of old houses. It also saddens me that when old homes are demolished, so much usable building material is just wasted and tossed into a landfill. Maybe "sickens" is a better description. Our society and culture place such a high value on all things new, that I think people forget that there is nothing wrong with things that are old. Old things still work. Old things are much easily repaired by the layman. Old things often don't require electricity to do the same job. Many old things are crafted with much more attention to detail and with a higher standard of quality, and are often beautiful as well as useful.

I like old. I like knowing that other people have used and found joy in the same things I use. I like when items have a story to tell, or when I can tell a story about where I acquired them. It's so much more interesting than just going to the store and picking something out. I like knowing that I saved just one more thing from the landfill. Recycling isn't just for cans and bottles!

Kitchen mini-reno sneak peek

2011-03-25T11:22:00.000-04:00

New floor, new fridge, new dishwasher!

We're winding down on phase 1 of the mini-renovation in the kitchen. The floor is no longer scary, and we have a working dishwasher and a fridge that actually fits in the space designed for it. I'm happy with the way it looks, and it completely changes the character of the room, even though the cabinets and countertops are still the same. Removing the cruddy wallpaper and paneling wainscot will help even more, but we won't do that until it's warmer outside and we can open the windows to ventilate.

We went with SwiftLock Sierra Slate laminate tiles from Lowes. I had my doubts, since it got iffy reviews, but we bought 6 boxes and figured if it didn't work out for us, we'd just return it. The semi-cruddy reviews were due to the planks being bowed. Even after letting all the flooring sit for about 10 days, there was a noticeable curve to each plank. But as we slid the planks together, we found if we tapped the long edge with a hammer to help engage the tongue and groove, we had no problems. The seams are not even visible. It's so much nicer than the el-cheapo temporary laminate we had in there before. The planks don't slide around; they all fit snugly together. It was more difficult to install, since we had to line up the "grout lines" in order to make it look like tile instead of a haphazard mess, but Shayne and I are both very happy with the results.

The only issue I have is that it's more modern than the rest of the house. It's not so modern that it's jarring to walk into the room, but it's obviously newer than the 1920s. I knew that was a hazard when we started this project, but creating a more period-appropriate kitchen by replacing the cabinets and unearthing and refinishing the wood floor just isn't in the budget now that we're going to move. I wanted to do something that was appealing while being totally reversible by a future owner (if desired). While it's not the kitchen this house deserves, we didn't ruin anything either. And it does look nice, and I think it's the best we could do while working with the existing cabinets. It's just not the kitchen I had dreamed of for this house.

In the next "phase", we're going to add baseboard to match the rest of the house, remove the wallpaper and paneling, paint the walls, and install toekicks. It should be warm enough to open the windows during the day for a few hours within a week or two, so we'll be moving right along. In the meantime, Shayne is going to install the molding in the upstairs bedrooms, and I'll get busy sanding and staining the few bits of woodwork that are still painted in the hallway.

Oh house, how I want you to be finished....

The tagline of this blog should be...

2011-03-24T12:22:00.001-04:00

Instead of, "How our old house changed our lives," our tagline really should read, "How we unfucked our old house, one catastrophe at a time."

Seriously, sometimes I wonder if the people who owned the house before the folks we bought it from did anything right. D across the street said that Mr. F was "handy". While I commend them for not letting the house fall down, I have to wonder, fairly often, what were they thinking?!

When we had the dishwasher installed, we found that the water supply and drain lines were both the same diameter of pipe. That made the supply line too big and the drain too small. Also, both were some sort of cheap flexible plastic pipe commonly used in trailers and campers, not braided line for the supply and a strong, flexible hose for the drain. Don't even get me started on the pipe arrangement for the dishwasher supply and drain. Our installer also noted that the supply lines for the back porch bathroom was clear plastic tubing of the type normally installed for ice makers. He said it wasn't designed for long-term, full-time use, and he was surprised that in its 20 years of use, it hadn't yet cracked. What's even weirder is that they ran copper supply lines to the washer out there. Why use copper for part of it, and cheap, crappy plastic for the rest?

Because of the goofy plumbing, he couldn't actually hook up the dishwasher supply line. We have Shayne's plumber friend coming over tomorrow to straighten everything out.

Seriously, people. Is it so hard to do things right the first time?!

Demolition auction score!

2011-03-18T10:14:00.001-04:00

A few weeks ago, Indiana University at South Bend (IUSB) had a demolition auction of 30 houses that they were razing to make way for a parking lot. Almost all of the houses had been used for student housing before they build their current apartments, so they weren't in good shape from a historic standpoint. But there were some neat features and details that were auctioned off, including woodwork, built-ins, kitchen cabinets, plumbing, and flooring. I was unable to attend, due to my work schedule, but my wonderful mother went for me. She scored us a set of built-in cabinets ($165) and a house-full of woodwork ($25). She also networked with some salvagers who would be happy to sell us anything that they recovered.

Yesterday, Shayne and I went to "our" house (1026 Bellevue) and claimed our built-in bookshelves. They were ridiculously easy to remove, though they had been banged up a bit by folks who had won other items in the house. During their removal, I found that the bookcases had originally had lights installed. We had to rip out the wiring, but the little light fixtures inside are still intact, and we may restore them at a later time. We also saved some baseboard of an unknown wood species (for some reason I think beech, but I don't know why), but almost all of the doors had so many holes for handles and locks that they weren't worth saving. There was a neat old closet cupboard that I would have loved to take with us, but we don't have the space to store it. We also didn't have space in the truck to transport it. It was BIG.

Salvaging always makes me sad. I'm glad that we (or someone) is dismantling the houses so that the materials can be reused... But to see them torn down to make way for a slab of asphalt just seems silly. I could probably write an entire pity-party post, but I'll spare you all my mental anguish.

When we got home, the original plan was to store the built-ins in the garage for some future house. Though they were only about 2' wide, they wouldn't fit in the doorway between our living and dining rooms. But I asked my ever-so-patient husband to bring one of them inside for me, "just to see something."

After a bit of furniture shuffling, we now have two new additions to our living room:

(Please excuse the grainy picture. The lighting this morning is not the greatest)

It would be ideal if they were twice as wide, but I think they look nice. To casual observation, you don't notice that they're not part of the room. I'd center them on either side of the window, but each cabinet has a hole on the side where the doorway woodwork is supposed to fit. I can just see our cat and baby thinking that they are the greatest new place to hide...

Here's to another bit of rescued house history!

Ready? Or not?

2011-03-16T00:08:00.000-04:00

Having my best friend living in Japan, just about 150 miles southeast of Tokyo, has made the earthquake/tsunami/nuclear reactor event in Japan just a little bit personal for me. The area she is in hasn't been badly affected by the disaster, though there are rolling blackouts, possibly contaminated water, continuing earthquakes and aftershocks, as well as the potential of a nuclear disaster fairly close by. For me, it would be like all of this is happening in Chicago.

And I don't know about you, but that seems just a little too close for comfort.

I look at my supplies in the basement, the shelves of food, mylar bags of water, stacks of batteries, canisters of propane, and my camping supplies, and I feel deeply that it just isn't enough. Granted, we are better prepared than many. Some folks, through necessity, ignorance, or complacence, have only enough food for a few days or a week. Others have built fallout shelters in their backyards.

How much is enough? Is it a year's supply of food? Raising your own meat? Living off the grid? I don't really know what level of preparedness would make me feel "ready". Maybe I never will. Lord knows, I have no plans to build a bunker! If things got that bad, I'd be ready to meet my Maker and be done with life here. But there's a middle ground, somewhere between tin-foil-hat-crazy and la-de-da-oblivious, that I'm searching for.

And so we slowly build up supplies, buy ammo, grow veggies, can food, and learn new skills. I may not ever be "ready", but I'm doing what I can. And in the meantime, those shelves of food and bags of water might just come in handy.

Do yourselves a favor, folks: Prepare. Have a plan. Don't just be another victim waiting on FEMA to come save you. We all know how well that works out. Be prepared. You just never know.

irked

2011-03-14T11:01:00.000-04:00

I realize this is kind of silly, but it's a perfect indicator of the way our society thinks. Last week, Shayne and I went to Lowes and spent about $1300 on a new dishwasher, fridge, and flooring for our kitchen. I am excited about our mini-remodel, and happily told just about anyone who would listen about our plans. Nearly everybody's response? "Oh, you got your tax return, huh?"

No. No, we didn't. Actually, we haven't even filed yet.

We're not rich, by any means, but we are pretty frugal. We save money. Every month. It's not always easy, and there are often things I'd rather do. But we have a savings account with more than $5 in it, and we used some of our short-term savings to buy our appliances. If our tax return never materialized, or if we owed on our taxes, we still would have bought the appliances, because it's one of the things we've been saving for.

Like I said, I know it's silly. But it bothers me that the general attitude of people is that you don't save money for large purchases, you wait until the government gives you your money back. Sorry... We don't live like that.

Decluttering update

2011-03-09T10:24:00.000-05:00

As you may recall, I set a goal to remove 2011 items from my home in 2011. I started off strong, and was over 150 items by early January. Then life happened, and I got a little sidetracked. But I'm still plugging away, donating baby clothes, tossing old magazines and catalogues, and sorting through my cupboards and cabinets. I don't have a comprehensive list compiled, but I am keeping track.

I'm up to 230 items as of today.

It's addictive. I want so much to get rid of more things and downsize further. I want to toss all our DVD boxes and put the discs into a binder, but Shayne would have a fit I think (I'm scared to even ask). We are going to buy a external hard drive and record all our CDs to mp3, then donate the CDs. We ditched our $60/month cable package and switched to Netflix over the Xbox. Just little things, but it frees up space and money.

I think it's finally starting to hit home for us that we are going to move. Although we don't know exactly when, and we certainly don't know where, it's looming on the horizon. And I really, really don't want to pack up all of the crap we've accumulated and move it with us. I've done it before. Twice. It's not an experience I want to repeat. The less we have, the easier the move will be, and the less we'll have to work at "staging" our house.

Improving the kitchen

2011-03-07T10:18:00.000-05:00

I think today we're going to go spend some money! Our dishwasher has a chronic flooding problem, plus it never did a great job of cleaning dishes. I think its day has finally come, and we're going to replace it. While we're at it, I'm feeling like we should ditch our existing fridge as well. It doesn't match either of the black/stainless appliances in the room, plus it's just a bit too big for the space and covers over the back porch/mudroom trim. I figure we can sell it on craigslist for $100 rather than have the Big Box store haul it away. Then when we go to sell the house, all the appliances will match. I think we're also going to get some laminate "tile" flooring, since the flood ruined the el cheapo laminate "wood". Since we don't anticipate any more water issues, the new floor will go a long way towards sprucing up the room.

Once it's warm enough outside, I'll remove the wallpaper and paint the walls sage green. The ceiling tile will be removed and replaced with drywall (the plaster is beyond saving :( ) once we replumb the bathroom. And we'll get new countertops and sink. It will be more modern looking than the rest of the house, but I think if I'm careful, I can incorporate some arts and crafts touches that will tie it in nicely. It's far from the my dream kitchen, but I think the results will appeal to more buyers without clashing with the rest of the house.

It's a hard line to walk. I had so many ideas and dreams of how I wanted this house to look. Part of me cringes at the idea of a "stylish" kitchen, and I feel guilty for doing something not quite in keeping with the house's character. But honestly? Most of me is glad to be doing something, anything, that will help this house sell. I'm also excited to have a kitchen that doesn't look like crap, even if it's not precisely what I had dreamed of. It will be clean, the floor won't be wavy and bumpy, and I won't be ashamed to have people over.

I'm so tired of living in a half-finished work zone, and I'm ready to get this done. Even if we live here for another 5 years (please God, I hope not!), it will be ready to sell. It won't look like a construction zone. I can get rid of my endless cans of shellac, denatured alcohol, and paint thinner and start really living here.

Making an herbal healing salve

2011-03-05T11:19:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I have no idea what I'm doing. I got instructions from various places on the internet, then sort of winged it. If you do something like this, please do your own research! This is not a how-to, it's documentation of what I did.

I've been interested in decreasing our dependence on chemical medicines for a while, but most pre-made herbal remedies are expensive. They also seem to come in larger portions than I know I'd need, and I really don't want to spend all that money just for something to sit on the shelf and go rancid.

I have a huge dependence on Neosporin at the moment, owing to my dry and ever-cracking cuticles. I also see lots of cuts and scrapes in our future as Ethan plays outside and gets his hands and knees scraped and bruised from falls. I decided that the most beneficial herbal remedy to start with would be a healing salve. I placed an order from BulkHerbStore.com with this in mind.

Two days ago, my box arrived. I had ordered lavender, calendula, yarrow, and comfrey for my salve. I also got yellow organic beeswax to help solidify my oil.

I got a half-pint jar and put equal portions of yarrow, comfrey, arnica, and calendula into it, packing it in pretty tightly. I then added a bit of lavender powder for its calming scent. I poured equal parts olive oil and melted coconut oil into the jar until it was full.

I put the jar on a dishcloth in my crock pot (to prevent scorching), then filled the pot with water and turned it on "low". I let it sit about 24 hours. I've heard to "cook" the mixture for as little as 8 hours and as long as 48. I opted for something in the middle.

This morning I removed the jar and strained my herb-infused oil through a wire mesh strainer and a coffee filter.

Once all the oil was drained and pressed from the herbs, I added a few tablespoons of beeswax and heated the whole mixture up again to melt the wax. I let some of the salve cool on a spoon to test the consistency. When it started to skin over within a minute, I let the whole jar cool. I must have gotten it about right, because when it cooled, it was about as solid as Bag Balm or Carmex. Not drippy, but not difficult to scoop out. If I had overshot, I could have added a bit more olive oil and reheated it. It's definitely more of an art than a science!

After cooling for about 45 minutes, I had this:

I'm not crazy about the smell. I have a sensitive nose, and I avoid most scented products. This is definitely herb-scented, but not too offensive (to me!). I don't have any painful cuts or wounds at the moment, but have a few small scrapes on my hands from my salvaging project a few days ago. One is right in the crease of my palm, so I feel it every time I flex my hand. The salve didn't completely remove the pain, but it's less noticeable. It also hydrated the skin around the cut, so it's not dry and flaky. I'll continue applying it to the scrape, as well as my poor abused cuticles, and see how well it works. It can also be used as a sore muscle and arthritis pain relief rub, so I'll be distributing samples to some family members to test. Results will be posted in a month or so.

My salvaging experiment

2011-03-04T11:03:00.000-05:00

We went in on Monday night to work on salvaging what materials we could from the little tudor bungalow. I had the help of two friends, my best friend's dad (AKA Dad), plus my oh-so-patient husband. We got a call from the demo company at about 4:15pm, then met at the house at 5.

My first surprise was that I had been expecting two days to work on the house, but the company told me that they were going to demo it on Tuesday morning. That gave us only 5-6 hours to grab what we could. I'm still upset that we couldn't get in sooner, since Shayne and I were both off on Sunday, and we could have gone in then. But oh well...

My first mistake was in not having a clear plan. I knew I wanted flooring, windows, and beadboard, but I didn't do a great job of organizing my labor. It took about 45 minutes for us to really get down to work pulling up the floor in the living room. Meanwhile, Dad grabbed a screen door, well pump, sump pump, a bathroom vanity and sink, and some other odds and ends. Obviously he wasn't wasting any time! Lesson learned.

I tried to get the beadboard from the kitchen, but had limited success. It was new, for one thing, and very thin. Since it was painted over, it just cracked and splintered when I tried to pry it up. I abandoned it and went to help on the living room floor.

With 3 guys working, the oak flooring came up quickly. Dad also pulled the antique toilet, which was requested by a member of Old House Web forums. Dad got the bathroom lights as well. Do you notice a trend? Dad is one mean salvager!

We tried the windows next. Our original plan was to cut around the windows, then take them out whole, trim and all. After Dad ruined two chainsaw blades, we nixed the idea. I started bashing out plaster around the windows, thinking that he could just cut through the lath and exterior wood. By the time I was done, most of the living room floor was up, and we decided to break for dinner.

After dinner, we started to pull up some pine upstairs. There was a bit of learning curve to it, and we initially started on the wrong edge. The boards are nailed through the tongue, so you have to pry them up that way or they splinter and break. After sacrificing a few boards, we realized our mistake and started on the other end. We got about 15 or 20 boards, which was more than I needed to patch the holes in the living and dining room.

Two of our helpers left after dinner, so things slowed down. We got a bit more oak flooring from the living room, then tackled the windows. Instead of removing them whole, Dad thought it would be better to pull the trim. That worked pretty well. We took out the sashes, then the exterior trim. The windows then just pretty much popped out. We didn't realize how not-secured they were, though, and we dropped the first one out of the house and onto the ground. Thankfully, nothing broke.

The second one went quicker. But in the middle of that, I went onto the little sun porch to start taking off the trim from those windows. I examined one, then turned around to go back into the living room and noticed a very unhappy skunk in the corner looking at me. Yikes. I tactically retreated and told Shayne and Dad that we needed to get out sooner rather than later. Shayne took another peek on the porch, and the skunk was now ass-end out with his tail raised. Definitely time to go.

We pulled the second window, packed up our tools, and loaded the trailer. In the meantime, we also took off the arched front door with its storm door and the half-lite kitchen door. By the time we pulled out the driveway, it was 10:30 pm.

All in all, we got 2 double-windows with vinyl storms, 2 doors, 1 arched storm door, 200 sq ft of oak flooring, 50 ft of 8" wide pine baseboard, 15 pine floorboards, a toilet, 2 bathroom sidelights, and a 3 ft tall door and frame from the upstairs attic.

The next day I went back, and the house looked like this:

I know we did well under the circumstances, but I'm a little disappointed with what we got. There was so much more in that house that was salvageable, but we just didn't have the time. And we didn't really know what we were doing. Once we conquered the learning curve on each task, it went quickly. But not quickly enough to get everything. And the skunk kind of threw a wrench into things.

I had high hopes of getting every single window out of that house. They all were in great condition, and we could have used them when we build our new home. Same with the oak floor. There was another 600 or so sq ft. And the kitchen cabinets would have been awesome. But we learned a lot, and I'm definitely going to do it again if I can find a suitable house.

And, even if I didn't get everything I wanted, I got the best of what was there. The windows we got had never been painted or refinished, and they worked very smoothly. The doors are very nice, and we got enough flooring for a whole room. Not what I was hoping for, but certainly much better than nothing.

My other issue with the whole experience is my disgust at the waste. That house was in perfect shape. Really. We could have moved right in. It was clean, well-maintained, and very cute. It pisses me off that it was destroyed just because it was in the way of some distant future progress. So much was lost, even though we saved a little. I feel guilty because I couldn't save more.

Indiana University is expanding into a neighborhood west of campus soon. All the houses there will be auctioned and salvaged. I have a feeling our learning experience will be helping us soon...

In which I actually do something house-related (!!)

2011-02-28T11:05:00.000-05:00

A few months ago, I noticed that the airport had acquired a cute little bungalow. They've been buying up houses like mad for the past several years; they knocked down a half-mile of neighborhood to move a road and expand the runway, and there are plans for another expansion in the future. This little bungalow was in the way. Once the weather cleared up a bit, I went to check out the house. Not only was it cute on the outside, it was adorable and in near-perfect shape inside. Aside from the shaggy carpet in the living room, the house looked like it fell out of the '30s. The entire upstairs floor is pine, and there is beadboard everywhere.

Living room windows

Original plumbing

Beadboard sunroom

Beadboard wainscot and original kitchen cabinets

Jackpot! LOTS of pine flooring!

I spoke with the airport property manager and found that it had already been awarded to a demolition company (which meant that the airport couldn't OK me going in to salvage anything). I got the demo company name and phone number, and, after a bit of run-around, got permission to go in to salvage flooring, windows, cabinets, beadboard, plumbing fixtures, and anything else I'd like.

They're doing a final walkthrough today in preparation for demolition later this week, but we can go in once they're done today. That doesn't give us a lot of time, but I'm sure I can still get some goodies!

The uncertain future

2011-02-20T13:23:00.000-05:00

As much as I want to move right now, obviously reality dictates that is not going to happen. I'm not sure it will happen any time in the next 5 years, simply because there is so much uncertainty in the world right now. The Middle East and north Africa is in major turmoil. Governments across Europe are implementing "austerity measures". And the United States has its head in the sand, with our leader telling us that we can save money in the future by increasing our defecit this year. Huh.

I really don't see things in this country improving much in the near future. I fully expect housing prices to decrease again (side note: housing prices from the 1890s through 1990s increased at an average of 3% per year. In order to get back onto that average trend, prices still need to contract another 20%. Ouch. Thankfully, that's a national average, not local. So we may only contract another 3-5%, since we were never all that inflated to begin with.). Loan rates are increasing. Food prices are rising. Gas prices are climbing. Unemployment is hovering around 10%. Remind me again why I should be optimistic?

I've said this before, and I'll say it again: It's so important to increase your family's self-sufficiency! So many skills from our grandparents and great-grandparents are on the verge of being lost. How many people know how to butcher their own meat? Render lard? Make soap from tallow? Use herbs medicinally? Grow and can their own produce? I can see that we're in the midst of a movement to regain these skills, but how many people out there are really doing it? By connecting with like-minded people on the internet, it sometimes feels like everyone is involved. And then I go to work and talk with people who don't even know how to cook something that isn't from a box. There are children who don't realize that food must be grown or raised and slaughtered before it appears in the store. We've surrendered our freedom in exchange for purchasing power; America has become a nation of consumers.

I'm not saying that there's anything inherently wrong with buying your soap from a store instead of making it yourself, or getting carrots from the market instead of from your garden. But when you buy something, at least do it mindfully: consider where it came from, how it was made or grown, the negative effects its production had on people and the earth, and whether it's something you're willing/able to learn how to do yourself. You'd be amazed at the satisfaction you can get looking at a few jars of freshly canned applesauce or a blooming garden. Seeing my chickens outside destroying my flowerbeds honestly gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling. I raised them, they're mine, and they make food for me. All in exchange for my table scraps and a bag of chicken feed every few months. I'm grateful that we have started ourselves down the path to homesteading, especially with the state of affairs in the world.

I'm feeling very conflicted, though. All of the uncertainty is exactly why I want to leave the Prairie Box and buy a farm or some property on which to build our farm. Especially after talking with the realtors, I think about the improvements we planned on making to the house, and I just feel so discouraged. I was really expecting to make money on this house. Not a lot. We aren't house-flippers, and that was never the plan. But I was expecting that our sweat equity would translate into about $10K after closing. Looking at just breaking even after closing, even with 5+ years of payments behind us and paying extra on the principal... just makes me sad. I have a major "why bother?" complex.

I don't want to fix up the house for us, since we aren't planning on staying here. I don't want to fix it up for someone else, because it's not worth my time and money. I feel like I'm smacking up against a wall, and I'm not sure how to get motivated again. I suppose I just have to look at it as a necessary step on our way to moving. I just wish I could be excited about it. Maybe once we start making progress, I'll find some enjoyment in it. Hmmm.

My future homestead: the passive solar home

2011-02-13T10:47:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about building our own home. Not having it built, but literally building it ourselves. Granted, Shayne's only building experience is a massively over-engineered chicken coop and shed, but both of us are capable of following directions and putting together a kit. We've been considering Shelter-Kit, out of New Hampshire, to help us realize our dream of a cabin-type home.

The kits are post-and-beam, which allows you to customize the interior floorplan any way that you'd like. The only restriction is the beams, which are 8' OC. I designed the house to leave the beams in their original locations, though Shelter-Kit can move some of them around a bit. I'm interested in passive solar heating and cooling, so I've worked to incorporate solar gain into the floorplans. Here's what I've come up with so far:

The top wall faces south, and this orientation is perfect for our tentatively chosen home site. The "front", on the right, will face west and the road. The stove is situated in the stairwell, which is open to the roof, to allow heat to move upwards into the bedrooms. The downstairs bedroom would be for guests and used as an office. My mother may come live with us at some time in the future, and I think a main floor bedroom would allow her some privacy. It would also serve as our bedroom if/when we are too old and infirm to climb the stairs frequently.

The garage would be sited to the north of the house, and the utility room would serve as our day-to-day entrance. Being close to the kitchen and basement stairs, bringing in groceries would be a short trip.

The "main" entrance on the west side of the house would be covered by a porch, possibly wrapping around to the north side. The south windows would be shaded by 18" shed awnings to keep out the summer sun. The kitchen, being on the north side, would help heat the house in the winter and be cooler in the summer. Upstairs, the rooms would have skylights to help vent the heat in summer as well as bring in sun in the winter. If finances allow, nearly the entire south upstairs wall may have a shed-roofed dormer, increasing solar gain. I think it would add about $6000 to the cost. The exterior would look something like this with the dormers:

from RRennerArchitects.com

Obviously, our home would be around half the size of this 3200 sq ft behemoth, but you get the idea. Without the dormer, it would look something like this (view from the northwest):

From Shelter-Kit.com

We're going for a craftsman/cottage look (surprise, surprise).

Let me know if you see any major design flaws!

So maybe Laura Ingalls had it worse...

2011-02-13T09:30:00.000-05:00

I'll quit whining now....!

More thoughts on selling

2011-02-12T17:48:00.000-05:00

We decided to cancel the third realtor's appointment since we liked #2 so much. He came in and spent 45 minutes looking at the house and discussing our plans. He also brought a fairly detailed market analysis. And, he spelled Shayne's name correctly. Major bonus points.

The jist of the conversation is that we can't sell for much more than we owe. We can put money into the house, but we probably won't get a great return on it. Housing prices in our area aren't too depressed from the real estate bubble fallout, but we do have high-ish unemployment, and it's definitely a buyer's market. Bottom line is that he advised not to put more than $5K into the house, unless we're doing it to make our lives here more enjoyable.

While that's not what I was hoping to hear, it also wasn't the worst news we could have gotten. Thankfully, we aren't underwater, but after realtor fees and closing costs, we'd be lucky to clear what we owe. After another year of payments (plus the extra principal we pay), we'll be in a bit better shape. And since that's what we were tentatively planning anyways... I guess it works out.

My only real concern is that I've read in a few places that the market is going to take another dip in 2011. But since there's nothing at all I can do about that, we'll just have to wait and see what happens. At worst, we'll continue living here another few years. While that's not what we want, it's obviously no worse off than we are now!

We are continuing with our plans to buy a chunk of property. After examining the numbers and a probable selling price, I've found that we can swing it while still making our current house payment. I plan on saving the amount we'd be spending on our land payment for the next year. This will serve two purposes: 1) we'll make sure that we can make the payment in reality, not just on paper, and 2) it will help us save an even larger down payment. And extra money in the bank never hurt anyone.

The rest of the plan is to buy the land next spring, fix up the pole barn that is already there, and store any salvaged items (windows, cabinets, flooring, etc) until we are ready to build. We may be able to rent out the land to the current owner, or we can start planting pasture forage on the south part and a wildflower meadow to the west. I want to give the land a chance to heal from all the not-so-natural fertilizers and such that the previous farmers have used for who-knows-how long. Once we get settled out there I'd like to raise grass-fed beef, maybe Dexters or Galloways. And chickens, of course. :)

But for now, we're just going to keep on keepin-on. We'll finish the two bedroom closets, get rid of the paneling in the dining room, and remodel the bathroom. Hurry up, spring! I want to get started!

The Long Winter

2011-02-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

Have you ever read the Little House on the Prairie books? They were my favorite when I was little, and I read them again when I was pregnant. As an adult, I was much more impressed with how simple the Ingalls' lives were, and how much joy they felt from the small pleasures in life. I was really struck when reading "The Long Winter". As a child, I didn't really realize that the family was slowly starving to death; all I remembered was that the snow was over Pa's head. I also remember wondering why we didn't ever get that much snow, since I thought it would be great.

This winter has been something like that. We've gotten 97.2" of snow so far this season (average is 57"), most of which fell after Christmas. In early December we had a brief thaw, but it started snowing again the same day that it all melted. Granted, it's compacted over time, so we don't have 8 feet of snow outside the door, but I have at least 3 feet out in the yard. The fire station down the street had to plow our driveway so Shayne could bring his car home and I could get mine out to go to work after the most recent blizzard. We have 4.5' high piles of snow all along the driveway, along the entire front of our 120' wide lot, and in the back next to the garage. Shayne snowblows a path out to the chicken coop after every snow, since it always drifts. It's nuts.

I love winter, but I'll definitely be ready for spring when it gets here. It's been a long, cold winter. Usually we have a pretty regular freeze-thaw cycle, which tears up the roads, but is a nice break from the frigid temps. This year, it got cold and stayed there. The last time I remember a temperature above 40F is early December. The past two days, it's been about -10F at night. The water line to the laundry room froze (again), and I had to take my diapers over to a friend's house to wash. Thankfully it thawed this afternoon and didn't burst. This is the 5th year we've been lucky. I still can't find where it freezes. It must be the 8" or so of pipe that runs under the porch, through the foundation, and into the basement. I can't even access it to wrap it with heat tape, so l try to remember to shut it off when it's going to be below 0. Sometimes I forget.

The chickens don't seem to mind the recent weather. About 10 days ago, production suddenly increased, and now I get 3 or 4 eggs per day. I've eaten over-easy eggs 3 times so far this week and still had enough eggs to give some to my mom, plus have a dozen sitting in the fridge. The yolks aren't as orange as they were in the summer when the girls were free-ranging, but still darker than a supermarket egg. Maybe because my hens' diet is supplemented with kitchen scraps? In the summer I don't have to give them chicken feed more than once a month; they eat grass, bugs, and whatever else they find. Now I fill their feeder once a week. At least. I'm grateful that none of them have gotten sick or had any health issues in their unheated coop. I do turn on a lamp with a red bulb (not a heat bulb) when it's going to be below 5F at night, but that's it. I'm glad my coop design provides enough passive ventilation to keep it from getting too damp in there. I've seen a few specks of frostbite on their combs, but nothing major.

Only about a month of cold weather left. Almost there...

Thoughts on selling

2011-02-09T20:15:00.000-05:00

Since we're planning on selling our house sometime within the next 3 years, we've really started to think about how to enhance resale value without sacrificing old house character. It's something of a tightrope walk. We had a realtor out to the house last week, sho told us that if we redo the bathroom and spruce up the kitchen, we should be able to sell at about $10K over what we paid. Given today's market conditions, I'm not too unhappy with that assessment. But because he really didn't spend any time looking at the house and its improvements, and didn't seem interested in hearing about any lot or outbuilding features, we've decided to ask for a second opinion. Seriously, that particular realtor spent about 7 minutes in the house. I understand that I just asked for a market analysis, but if you want us as your clients, spend some time with us!

We have another realtor coming out this afternoon, and another tomorrow. I guess we're interviewing, LOL. I'm looking for someone who is willing to sit down with us and spend some time talking about how to sell our house. I think this time I'm going to frame the essential question a little differently: If we only have $5000 to put into this house, how can we best spend it to enhance resale value? I'll post their responses and my impressions on Friday.

Talking to the first realtor made me realize that we are in danger of over-improving for our neighborhood. The houses immediately around ours are all nice and well-kept. The area to the north and south is nice as well. But the area to the east and west, the homes are a little junky. It's sort of up-and-coming; as new folks move in, they are fixing up the houses, but there are definitely some hold-outs. Nothing too awful, as obviously we moved here, but it's definitely not a suburban utopia.

We really don't want to put too much more money into the house, but we need to redo the bathroom, spruce up the kitchen, and get rid of the ceiling tiles and paneling in the dining room. I'm not sure we can do all that for $5K or less...

The basement organizing spree: Stuck

2011-01-25T10:39:00.000-05:00

We've ground to a halt on the basement reorganization of 2011. All of our house decorations, personal mementos, and things are organized and in bins. Shayne's LED stuff? Not so much. Some of it is in bins, baskets, and bags. Some of it is strewn on the shelves. There are a few things on the floor. I'm trying not to rip my hair out, because the man insists that it is organized. *snort*

Seriously, though, it is much better. It's not photo-worthy yet, but we have made lots of progress. We need to figure out exactly what's going on with the "family room" portion of the room, because that will dictate where we put things away over on that side.

Progress is so slow when you don't ever have time off with your spouse. But speaking of that... I have something in the works that may solve it. There's a good chance that I'm going to transfer into an IT position at work and be on day shift. I have seriously mixed feelings about this. It will, unfortunately, take me off road patrol for a while, but the trade-off is that when I get pregnant again (this summer??) I won't have to worry about "light duty". I'll also have a position where I can pump at work and not worry about the logistics. I'll also have my evenings with Shayne and Ethan. We'll be able to have dinner together, and I'll actually get to cook it!

I'm a bit sad about it, though. I'll really miss my guys from the road. We have lots of fun, and I missed them a lot when I was pregnant last time. I'd also miss the feeling of directly making a difference in people's lives. Granted, not all of them are exactly grateful for our interference, but sometimes... sometimes you know that you have truly helped someone. Or when everything comes together and you catch the guys that held up the pizza delivery person. Or the chronic shoplifters from a pharmacy. Or even just a drunk driver that could have killed someone. When everything happens just right, there's such a rush of accomplishment. Even if you're not instrumental to making it happen, just being a part of it and knowing you're making the world a safer place is a great feeling.

I should know what's going on by March. I guess it's already been approved for me to transfer, but we're waiting on our new recruits to be done training so that our manpower is up where it needs to be. We'll see what happens!

More basement cleaning, decluttering, and organizing

2011-01-23T09:52:00.000-05:00

Yikes.

While the new shelves freed up some space, I seem to have a never-ending parade of boxes and baskets that need to be stored in the basement. Baby clothes, baby toys, more baby clothes, Christmas decorations, baby clothes, Shayne's LED stuff , etc. We don't have a lot, but there's still too much. I've gotten rid of more boxes and a few odds and ends, but I'm still struggling with the amount of stuff down there. We've emptied two, almost three, shelving units, but the storage area has an odd layout because of the pipes and well pump, and it seems there is always something in the way. I don't think we have a single wall down there that's not interruped by something immobile.

We've decided put another wall-mounted shelf on the opposite end from the food storage that will wrap around in an L-shape. Then we can put the Rubbermaid bins on it instead of stacking them on top of one another on a low shelf. But for right now, I'm frustrated. What do we do with this crap until then? We both go back to work tomorrow, so there's no time to whip up another shelving unit before then. Gaah!

I'm also feeling guilty for wanting to donate a set of Christmas/winter dishes that we have that I've used maybe once in the past 7 or 8 years. I just don't want the hassle of special dishes. But I like them, and they were a gift, and... Sigh. Into the Goodwill pile they go, but I feel bad about them.

Oh well. Back to the grind...

New basement storage shelves

2011-01-22T16:57:00.000-05:00

Shayne built me these wonderful shelves this afternoon. They're obviously not fancy, just plywood on wall-mounted shelf brackets. But I can store all the food on these that I previously had stored on 2 5-shelf units. So we've freed up a bit of space in the basement, and we can rearrange so that things we use often are closer to the door to the storage area.

I eventually want to expand our food storage, so we'll need more space some day. For now this is plenty, though, and it will help me stay organized.

The end of the world! And other rambling thoughts on self-sufficiency...

2011-01-19T11:20:00.000-05:00

Disclaimer: I am not crazy, though this post may make me sound like a paranoid nutjob. I am just using my blog to clear my head.

I had a dream last night, which was kind of odd. Either I don't remember my dreams lately, or I just haven't been having any because I don't sleep enough. It's probably some combination of both. Mostly, my dreams are about work: chasing people, shooting people, being shot, my partner getting shot... Fun things like that. I rarely have happy dreams, and last night's was no exception.

I'm not sure what had happened. In the way of all dreams, I started off somewhere in the middle of the storyline. Shayne and I were in Michigan, somewhere west of Detroit. It was far enough west that it was pretty rural, not in the suburbs of Detroit or Ann Arbor. Something bad had happened, something big, and people everywhere were panicked. There was no electricity, no running water, no social order. It was every man for himself, what the "tin foil hat" people call TEOTWAWKI (The End of the World as We Know It). Whatever had broken down society must have been fairly recent. People were scared, but there was no violence yet. Most people were simply wandering aimlessly or clustered together talking and crying. Shayne and I had originally been trying to get to wherever my mom was, but because of the increasing chaos, we made the decision to get out. It seemed imperative that we get to where no people were so that we could just try to survive the coming holocaust.

I woke up wondering if our little family could survive something like that. While I have some food storage and have taken some prepatory measures in case of a major disaster, I know we couldn't survive a long-term crisis without leaving our home and this immediate area.

I'd be lying if I said that the thought of something like this happening doesn't scare the shit out of me. I don't dwell on it, and I don't think it's likely that there will be a single event after which all society in North America will break down. But the fact remains that it is a possibility, especially on a smaller scale (natural disaster, political riots, etc.).

For several years I've felt like I'm being pulled along a path. I don't know if it's God, my own interests, or just my imagination. I almost feel compelled to make my life more simple, to be as self-sufficient as possible, to learn as much as I can about raising and growing our own food and creating our own energy. I want our home to be a refuge from the world; not isolated, but just a safe-haven where I don't have to worry about "what happens if..." scenarios because I know we can handle it.

It started out with a spark of an idea, to store some food in case of an emergency, as well as Shayne and I both wanting to live in a cabin in the woods. Granted, our cabin idea was more whimsical than practical, more an aesthetic ideal than anything else. But the two together have grown and caught fire, and I now feel a burning need to make it happen.

I am impatient and slightly obsessive by nature; when I want something, I plan it out to the last detail. I think over the possibilities and look repeatedly for variations until I find what I feel to be the best course of action. And I always want it yesterday. I hate waiting. I've gotten better at it, at least externally, but I continue to think and mull over an idea until it happens or I'm able to move on to the next great idea. I've been doing it off and on with my bathroom and kitchen remodeling plans since we've moved into the house. I have a friend who is exactly the same; if I have the seeds of a mental illness planted here, at least I'm not alone!

We're doing everything that we realistically can at the moment to save money, finish up the house, and move on to our dream. I know that there's not much else we can do right now. It's just making me nuts that I can't live the type of life I dream of right here, right now. We've taken steps. I have the garden, the chickens, the food storage. I'm still learning, and there's a lot more I need to know before I can even pretend that we might be somewhat self-sufficient.

But that dream, that idea, is still there...burning. And I don't want to wait any more.

2011 in 2011

2011-01-13T19:33:00.000-05:00

In my previous post I mentioned wanting to remove 2011 things from our home in 2011. I just started 2 days ago, and I'm already 6% there!

1. set of stickers that came with one of DS's Christmas gifts
2. Christmas ornament kit
3. broken photo carousel, trashed. This one hurt. I've been wanting to fix it for 2 years, but never did. Plus, the photo covers are yellowed. It was junky, but I miss it!
4 - 5. 2 straps to ??
6. ugly wall plaque
7 - 8. 2 old harddrives
9. box of envelopes (combined)
10 - 14. computer cords
15. old Lemmings disk
16 - 17. manuals
18. old discs
19. crappy photo...
20 - 26. crumpled and unusable gift bags
27. mousepad
28. USB card
29. computer cord
30. bottle of saline solution
31. shoe insole
32. can of ancient cherry filling
33. unopened box of Peeps from Easter
34. 3 years of This Old House magazines
70 - 76. books
77. 1 phone book (why did I have two?)
78 - 83. 6 bottles of shampoo, conditioner, and lotion
84 - 85. 2 bars of soap that smell AWFUL
86. toy boat

87. greeting card organizer
88 - 94. picture frames
95. ledge/shelf thing
96. set of colored Christmas lights
97 - 100. wooden wall plaques with circus animals
101. japnese fan
102. japanese wall hanging
103 - 105. candle holders
106 - 108. more picture frames
109 - 115. random knicknacks
116 - 125. ceramic elephants (DH's. I had NO idea these were in the house!)
126. set of plastic dishes
127. set of ugly wine glasses
128. Christmas pillow
129. Eddie Bauer binoculars and multitool giftset
130 - 132. Christmas wrapping paper
133 - 134. old ceramic banks
135. desk lamp

I've realized that the more you get rid of, the easier it is to get rid of more. I've learned that just because I like something doesn't mean that I have to keep it. And since we've started to go through the bins in the basement, it's gotten even easier. I now have one medium bin for all my sentimental stuff (old stuffed animals, knicknacks I'm not ready to let go of), and 1 small bin for old journals. I think Shayne is down to 2. We have a bin of picture frames, awaiting the day when I'm ready to start putting holes in the walls. 3 bins of Christmas decorations (1 of lights, 1 for ornaments, and 1 for our nativity and a few other figurines). 1 box of books (yet to be gone through), 1 of sports equipment, 1 of board games. Other than that, it's just Shayne's LED-building supplies, my backpacking gear, and food storage down there. We're getting there...

Reducing clutter and rethinking our "stuff"

2011-01-11T16:04:00.000-05:00

Shyane and I have been actively trying to reduce our clutter and the sheer volume of possessions that we own. The more I think about it, the more I realize that we have so much stuff. Granted, we have a lot less than many people we know, and I'd venture to say that we have considerably less than average. Our garage isn't stuffed to overflowing, our closets aren't packed, and we have room to move in our basement storage area. Still, it's much more than what we need.

And really, how much do you actually need. It's an interesting thought. Many of the things we own are certainly not necessary to our survival or even our day-to-day life. I read a blurb online about a man who reduced his possessions down to 100 things or less. I suppose some of it is in the counting; is a set of dishes 1 item? 8? 32? If I were to count things individually, I easily have 200+ items in my kitchen alone. And I know we have at least 150 to 200 books. We did donate about 1/3 of our collection, but books are something I enjoy having around.

We try very hard to have possessions that are both useful and beautiful. My bookcase for example. Yes, a $30 Sauder case would serve the same purpose as my $600 antique. But my bookcase has character and adds quite a bit of beauty to our home. Same with our secretary desk, dining room set, and most of the furniture we've aquired since moving to the Prairie Box. While I'm sure I could survive in a modern, minimalist home, I do derive joy from being surrounded by what I consider to be beautiful things.

I was looking around the main floor today, after I'd completed my morning tidy-up. I realized that there really isn't much clutter left in any of the three downstairs rooms. What clutter we do have is hidden away in cupboards and drawers, and I go through the "landing zone" baskets pretty frequently to make sure things get back to where they should be. It's simple without being sterile, and I'm really happy with the way it feels.

The rest of the house... not so much. The basement, while not being Hoarders material, is awful. I don't like going down there much, even when the family room area is picked up. It has our junky furniture, a crappy futon, and ugly carpet. The storage side feels like a rabbit tunnel, and I can't wait to go through and purge. The office upstairs simply suffers from not being finished. It's just become further complicated by the fact that we're considering adding a second baby. The office would then become Ethan's room, and the new addition would move into the nursery. My dresser and clothes would go... where? I think an armoire is in order for our bedroom. Then Shayne could stash his t-shirts in drawers instead of hanging them. It's still a work in progress, obviously.

My goal, all in all, is to get rid of 2011 things in 2011. Considering we have to go through the house and garage, I have no doubts that we can meet this goal. I'll be posting updates occasionally and may add a sidebar to track my progress. Want to join? Let me know and we can help keep each other motivated!

It seems to have snowed...

2011-01-09T10:19:00.000-05:00

...about 3 feet! The South Bend Airport reported a total snowfall of 38" since Friday night. Since I work out in the rural areas, I was given a four-wheel drive TrailBlazer to drive at work yesterday. It was great to just cruise around the county looking at all the beautiful snow. I only had 3 calls, all crashes, but nobody was hurt. Well, except a deer, but a friend of mine is turning her into steaks, roasts, and burger, which he offered to share with us. Sweet!

Our house projects have come to a bit of a standstill this winter. The "new" door is at the carpenter's house getting plugged and redrilled for its hardware. I'm hoping it will be returning home by the end of the month. We also plan to entirely empty the utility side of the basement, build new shelves for my food storage, and examine and organize every bin and box. I think we'll end up getting rid of quite a bit, and the utility area should be much neater.

Also ahead on the radar is that the aforementioned carpenter is going to recreate our missing door and window headers. We need new ones for the closets we re-made in the two bedrooms, plus we have doors that need to be hung. I was going to have Shayne do it, but since door hanging is more of an art than a science, I think I'll leave it to a pro.

I know I've been saying it since we bought this house, but I really think we're going to get to the bathroom this year. We've had too many water issues, and I'm worried about letting them go any longer. Since by March we will be totally debt-free except for the house (joy!), we're going to really concentrate on saving our money. Toss in our tax refund money, and we will hopefully be good to go around May. I'm so nervous about this project that even writing about it gives me the jitters. I want it to be perfect, and I'm worried about being unhappy with the final outcome. I have good people lined up for everything but the plumbing, which will be fairly minor since we're only moving the sink. We might take the opportunity to run PEX upstairs as well. Still thinking on that one... At least we have a bit of time to try to hash it all out. For the thousandth time.

Backyard chickens: Another hen homicide

2011-01-07T19:40:00.000-05:00

I came home for dinner tonight and went to shut the coop door. I checked inside to make sure all the girls were tucked in and to gather any eggs before they froze overnight. Then on my way back to the house, I noticed my favorite Australorp laying in the snow. The mystery neighborhood dog strikes again...

I'm not sad so much as I'm pissed off. I like my chickens, but I never named them, and I don't really consider them pets. But... I don't really like them being killed by a roving dog, either. I want my hens to be able to free range, but that doesn't seem to be an option right now. Maybe some kind of fence is in order.

I was able to get the breast meat off of the hen. I wasn't sure how I would feel about doing it myself, since with the last hen I had just watched my friend do it. But it wasn't a big deal, or difficult to do. I don't know that I could kill my own birds, but at least once they're dead, I can take care of business. I guess I can add that to my list of ever-growing homesteading skills. It's an unfortunate thing to have to do, but I am grateful that I can have a bit of meat out of the deal. At least her death wasn't completely in vain...

Backyard Chickens: Rainbow Eggs

2011-01-06T23:12:00.000-05:00

My new girls are laying!! My other Australorp finally started too (see the pale brown egg in the center that is smaller than the rest?), so I've been getting anywhere from 1 to 3 eggs per day. I have no supplemental lights or heat, so I'm surprised I've gotten any. It'll really be something in the summer to get 5 per day! I love how they lay different shades of green and brown so I can tell whose are whose. The dark green is from the silver Easter Egger, the light green from the red/gray Easter Egger, pale brown is the Australorp with the smaller comb, medium brown is the Australorp with the big comb, and dark brown is the Wyandotte. The buff Orpington, before her untimely demise, laid pale brown eggs with white speckles.

I love chickens!

Backyard Chickens: New Additions

2011-01-04T20:37:00.001-05:00

Today my friend J from work called me with a surprise: he was on his way home from his sister's farm with 2 Ameraucana hens. I lost my buff Orpington on Christmas Eve to a dog attack, and I was planning on ordering chicks again in the spring. I'm so glad thta now I don't have to! Not that I minded the chicks, but I don't want the hassle of a curious toddler and a boxful of chicks with a heat lamp over it. I don't think he could resist the temptation!

I met J at his house earlier and brought home these 2 odd-looking girls:

The red and blue one has a muff - feathers that stick out around her beak - and they're both supposed to lay blue or green eggs. They're more elongated and trimmer than my Australorps and Wyandotte, and neither has wattles to speak of. Looking at these birds, I can see why scientists theorize that chickens came from dinosaurs.

So far the silver hen is having a bit of trouble getting along with my Wyandotte, but hopefully they'll sort out their pecking order without any major damage. They were both roosting on the same branch tonight, which I think is a good sign. We'll see.

150 things out of the house!

2011-01-03T15:02:00.000-05:00

I had originally vowed to get 150 things out of the house by Christmas, but we got a little behind. Then I thought I'd have it done by New Year's Day. But I was busy at work, and the baby and I got colds, and it just didn't happen. But today, January 3, I've meet my goal!

Here's the final list:

1. dish drainer (does it count if I replaced it with a new, folding one so doesn't take up any space in the cupboard?)

2. 1 book
3. small pile of paperwork/old bills
4. box of glass votive candle holders
5. 2 stuffed animals
6. 2 pairs of shoes
7. bag of plastic bags (recycled)
8. mylar balloons from DS's b-day
9. free sample disposable razor
10. borrowed book returned to owner
11. lots of straws and plastic silverware
12. old set of dishes (given to a friend)
13. plastic outdoor table and chairs set
14. small pile of maternity clothes
15. small box of baby toys
16. sippy cups
17. little box misc junk
18. small box of baby accessories to sell
19. old hangers
20. doorway jumper
21 - 35. 15 pieces of 0-3 month baby clothing (to sell)
36 - 46. 11 newborn "gowns" (to sell)
47 - 64. 18 unneeded diaper inserts (sold)
65 - 72. 8 unneeded baby hand-me downs (to sell)
73. carseat bunting (sold)
74. fleece jacket with holes
75. OLD Gore-Tex rain jacket
76. DH's barn coat
77. 2 tiny stuffed animals
78. replaced blender with single-serving version to free up cupboard space
79. DH's old socks (about 20 pair!) that he trashed
80. serving plate returned to owner
81 - 85. another pile of baby clothes
86 - 94. 12-24 month baby clothes
95 - 100. 0-3 month baby clothes
101. 2 ruined paintbrushes
102. 2 pairs of jeans
103. a tee shirt from a musical I was in back in high school (it's only been 10 years! LOL)
104. old canning jar lids
105. old dog bones
106. lighbulb boxes (consolidated and trashed)
107. miscellaneous hardware from installing my blinds
108. nasty old rags
109. "paint-removing" sanding block that gouges wood
110. length of coaxial cable
111. telephone cable
112. lots of little odds and ends from back porch cabinets that aren't worth listing separately
113. hand-me-down dress that I've never worn
114. OLD but working electric razor that was handed down from my grandma to my mom to me (Goodwill pile)
115. Lots of boxes I was thinking I'd use to mail things. Right.
116. old dog toy
117. Video given to nephew
118. 2 old toothbrushes
119. fabric softener ball for the washer
120. backpaking fabric scraps
121. old ring
122. bead necklace that I haven't worn since 2003
123. Sauces, condiments, etc. from the fridge.
124. Baby bathtub (going to a family member)
125. Jeep baby walker
126. Baby sleepsack
127 - 129. Three new pairs of flame-resistant baby jammies (we don't wear that type)
130. 2 cans of baby "puff" snacks
131. ripped stuffsack (backpacking gear)
132. old backpacking food
133 - 135. backpacking water filters (sold on BPing forum)
136. pile of old Chinese sauces that just kept growing
137. old seed packets
138. bottle of hardened fabric softener
139 - 148. Still more baby shirts, overalls, pants, and rompers
149. Pile of baby bibs (at least 10!)
150. brand new baby shape sorter (we have 3 or 4 different types already)

I'm a little late, but I did it!

I cannot belive all the baby clothes we've accumulated. I feel like every other week I'm amassing a pile to take to Goodwill or try to sell at Once Upon a Child. And I still have enough for probably 2 kids. Yeesh. I'd like to have one more baby, so we're saving the clothing in case it's a boy. If it's a girl... We're going to have an ebay or Once Upon a Child selling spree. Most of the toys are pretty gender-neutral, so we can use them again regardless.

And I still even have some things I need to go through. Like decorations. I know we have things we'll never use, so I should probably quit storing them.

I still struggle with the kitchen. Part of the problem is that we do have a small kitchen. But some things I just can't bear to part with. We have a waffle iron that I bought at a rummage sale at least 5 years ago because it's exactly like the one my mom has. I've never used it. I have a pasta machine that I want to use but have yet to find the time. And some items, like vases, mixing bowls (I have 10... But 7 can double as serving dishes too), and storage containers seem to be too useful to live without. I'm working on paring down, though. There are also items I use seasonally that should probably go live in the basement, like the food mill, apple peeler/corer/slicer, and canning utensils.

Sometimes I feel like I'll never get there...

Simplicity is a journey, not a destination!

Almost Christmas

2010-12-23T09:15:00.000-05:00

Even though we started planning our gift-giving back before Thanksgiving, somehow Christmas has snuck up on me this year. We've barely decorated. Shayne brought our little Christmas tree out of the basement, the only fake tree I've ever loved, and found that it will not light except in a band around the top. I'm so very sad about it. I figured that maybe this would be the ideal time to transition to a real tree, which I've always planned on doing. And then I remembered that I have a toddler who LOVES to play in water. And shake pole lamps. So we're skipping the tree this year.

I wrapped lighted garland around the stair banister, and it looks very pretty. I also put out a wreath, some little decorations, and our nativity set. But it just doesn't feel quite like Christmas without a tree. I'm going to cut the lights off of it and re-light it after Christmas. But with everything else going on this week, I just don't have time to do it before. Plus, I want to wait for lights to go on sale.

I am excited about Ethan's Christmas. We got him two gifts: a Melissa and Doug wooden tool kit, and a set of colored pins that nest into matching cups. After reading some Montessori and Waldorf-y books, I'm more determined than ever to have as many natural toys as possible. We got a lot of plastic toys for Ethan's birthday, and I'm trying to rotate them in and out so he only has one or two at a time. The rest are wood. cloth, and other natural materials.

I'm also excited about the gifts we got for others. Since we started to early, we were able to really think about what each person might want or need. And since we are essentially debt-free except for our house (thanks Dave Ramsey!!), we got to spend quite a bit more than we have in the past. All cash. I'm so excited! Shayne and I really splurged for each other (he got a DeWalt drill set, I got a NookColor e-reader, and we replaced our broken Xbox with a new model with the Kinect sensor), but I don't feel guilty at all, since we could afford it. Such fun! We truly are blessed, and I thank God every day for the wonderful people and opportunities we have in our life.

Merry Christmas from the backyard chickens!

2010-12-16T18:19:00.001-05:00

150 by Christmas

2010-12-12T13:05:00.000-05:00

I made a resolution about a month ago to get 150 things out of the house by Christmas. I've been tracking my progress on a message board, but figured I should post it here as well. Some of the items have been sold, others given away, and some were just trash. Regardless, we have 85 less things in the house as of today. Here is my list so far:

1. dish drainer (does it count if I replaced it with a new, folding one so doesn't take up any space in the cupboard?)

2. 1 book
3. small pile of paperwork/old bills
4. box of glass votive candle holders
5. 2 stuffed animals
6. 2 pairs of shoes
7. bag of plastic bags (recycled)
8. mylar balloons from DS's b-day
9. free sample disposable razor
10. borrowed book returned to owner
11. lots of straws and plastic silverware
12. old set of dishes (given to a friend)
13. plastic outdoor table and chairs set
14. small pile of maternity clothes
15. small box of baby toys
16. sippy cups
17. little box misc junk
18. small box of baby accessories to sell
19. old hangers
20. doorway jumper
21 - 35. 15 pieces of 0-3 month baby clothing (to sell)
36 - 46. 11 newborn "gowns" (to sell)
47 - 64. 18 unneeded diaper inserts (to sell)
65 - 72. 8 unneeded baby hand-me downs (to sell)
73. carseat bunting (to sell)
74. fleece jacket with holes
75. OLD Gore-Tex rain jacket
76. DH's barn coat
77. 2 tiny stuffed animals
78. replaced blender with single-serving version to free up cupboard space
79. DH's old socks (about 20 pair!) that he trashed
80. serving plate returned to owner
81 - 85. another pile of baby clothes

65 to go!

Chickens in the snow

2010-12-05T08:12:00.000-05:00

I had read that chickens hate snow and won't walk around in it. Mine must not have gotten the memo.

My buff Orpington has started laying, and we now get 3 eggs on most days. Hers are a very light, almost pinkish tan. The Australorp's are a light brown, and the Wyandotte is a darker, but still light, brown. The other Australorp's comb and wattles are finally turning red, so hopefully she'll jump on the egg-laying wagon soon. I keep expecting egg production to drop, since our days are getting shorter. Everything I've read about chickens says that they need over 12 hours of daylight to continue laying (some even say at least 16 hrs). Right now we get about 10 hrs, 45 minutes, and it's still decreasing. I guess it's just another thing my chickens missed the memo about.

Year in Review: Homestead Harvest

2010-11-19T12:51:00.000-05:00

This was a bit of a rough year; between working full-time and keeping up with the kidlet, I didn't really have much spare time at all. Next year should be more productive, since Ethan will be able to "help" with gardening and cooking a bit more. I'm really looking forward to teaching him about growing food and raising animals. But even though this wasn't the most productive homesteading year, it was still a blast, and I'm really enjoying being a mommy.

As far as homegrown foods... All that really survived our hot summer was the tomatoes and green beans. The broccoli fried in the heat, and the carrots never even sprouted. I wanted to plant potatoes and onions, but it never happened. Neither did the spinach or lettuce. Oh well.

I did make lots of jam. I canned 6 half-pints of cherry butter, 9 half-pints of raspberry jam, and 15 half-pints of strawberry jam. There were also 6 half-pints of strawberry ice cream topping (also great to add to yogurt). And I still have a bunch of raspberries frozen in the freezer waiting for me to make them into jam.

The tomatoes were a big success. I only planted Romas, and I canned 12 quarts of sauce using only my tomatoes. I'm definitely planting more next year.

Frozen veggies... Didn't happen. I wanted to at least freeze some corn, but the harvest came and went before I even had a chance. Oh well.

I've started on applesauce, and canned 6 quarts so far. I plan on buying another bushel of apples at the market soon. A yellow delicious and Empire blend seems to yield the tastiest sauce, in my opinion, but I might pick up some "mixed seconds" as well. My goal is 18 - 20 quarts.

The best part of this year, and what makes up for the lack of productivity elsewhere, is the fact that we got chickens. Even better is that they now lay eggs! I got our cute little balls of fluff on May 4, and on October 11 my Wyandotte laid her first egg. One of the Australorps started on October 22, and the buff Orpington looks like she'll be laying any day now. The other Australorp seems to be a bit of a later bloomer. But her wattles have gotten a little bigger, and her comb a bit pinker, so I'm hoping she'll get started soon as well. Still, even 2 eggs per day is nice, and it's enough for me to share with others. I'm not keeping track, even though I probably should, but I've gotten at least 4 dozen eggs so far.

Chickens are so, SO easy. All I have to do is shut the coop door at night, open it in the morning, and check to make sure they have food and water. They pretty much feed themselves by free-ranging around the neighborhood, and eveny night they come home and put themselves to bed. They require about as much upkeep as a gerbil, but with the bonus of producing food. Can't beat that!

I'm thinking of adding 2 Easter Egger chickens if I can find some. The only thing more fun than yard fresh eggs is blue or green yard fresh eggs!

I'm already getting excited for next year! I want to order from seed catalogues instead of buying hybrid seeds from the garden centers around here. I'll probably get seed potatoes locally, but that's it. Time to start browsing the web to decide on varieties!

Toddling along...

2010-11-18T22:15:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure that anyone really noticed my absence, but I haven't had any time to even think about updated recently. About a month ago, Ethan took his first steps. He's a little on the slow side of normal to hit his milestones, but when he starts to do something new, he does it well almost immediately. Like rolling. He practiced a bit, but once he rolled over once, he was constantly doing it. And crawling... He never got up on his hand and knees, never rocked, never seemed to practice. Then one day he just took off.

It's been the same with walking. He went straight from cruising the furniture to walking across the room. He took 3 steps on his own to start with, and they've just multiplied exponentially from there. Now he's almost running.

On top of that, he spends every second trying to remove the contents from every cupboard or terrorize the dog. And since he's so busy... so am I. :)

The Monster Egg

2010-11-04T13:24:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure which of the girls laid this one, but I can't imagine it was fun!

Looks like a double-yolker to me!

Backyard chickens: More eggs coming soon!

2010-10-22T16:45:00.000-04:00

This is one of my Australorps, happily parked in the nest box. I'm so proud of her. I knew she'd be statring to lay sometime soon, since she was exhibiting signs of sexual maturity (large, bright red wattles and comb, squatting, and no longer shedding her neck feathers). But I wasn't sure when she would lay, or if maybe she had already started. Some hens don't lay in the nest box (my Wyandotte) or even the coop. So since they free-range most of the day, I thought she may be laying in the woods, or the neighbors bushes, or Lord-knows-where-else. I felt bad shutting all of the girls in just to see if one hen was laying, especially since there aren't many nice days left, so I was determined to wait for a rainy day to keep them all in the coop.

But apparently that won't be necessary. This afternoon I came home from dropping Ethan off at his "grandparent's" house, and was greeted by only three happy chickens. I checked the bushes, the neighbor's yard, and the woods before thinking that she might be in the coop.

And there she was, right where she was supposed to be, and hopefully working on laying an egg.

The first ones seem to take a while -- the Wyandotte sat on the nest for about 90-120 minutes for the first few days -- so I had to leave for work while she was still sitting in the nest box.

Let's hope she has something to show for all that sitting!

Backyard chickens: Scrambled eggs!

2010-10-16T21:31:00.001-04:00

Since I collected my fifth egg today, I decided it was time to make some breakfast! My mom came over after going to the farmer's market, so she got to share the feast.

I was going to do a side-by-side comparison of my "yard fresh" eggs with the all-natural eggs from the farmer's market. But my mom didn't get any this week, and the ones I had in the fridge, while still good, are a few weeks old. I didn't really think that would be fair.

But my eggs would have won anyways.

The first thing I noticed was that the shell was extremely hard. I don't feed any supplemental calcium, just standard Nutrena layer crumbles, some table scraps, and whatever they find while free ranging. I did get some oyster shell bits for winter, though, since they won't be able to range as much.

The second surprise was how orange the yolks were. I had thought that the orange yolks from the market eggs were bright, and they certainly are when compared to a store-bought, factory-farmed egg. But the yolk from my hens were BRIGHT orange. The egg white was also a yellowish color, not clear. How orange everything was became even more obvious once the eggs were cooked...

No Photoshopping. The eggs are really this color!

It looks like I made scrambled yolks!

Surprise #3? They tasted like eggs. I had thought that maybe a truly fresh, free-range egg might taste... I dunno. Eggier? Kind of like milk from a grass-fed cow tastes different. Nope. Although a free-range egg does have more nutrients, the taste is the same.

So breakfast today was yard-fresh eggs (scrambled with local milk from grass-fed cows and cooked in homemade butter) and toast with homemade raspberry jam. If I'd made my own bread, the entire meal would have been entirely homemade. But it's close.

I also noticed that one of my Australorps kept squatting while she was out ranging today. That's supposed to be a behavior that comes right before egg-laying, so maybe soon we'll be getting 2 eggs per day!

Backyard chickens: Yard fresh eggs!

2010-10-15T21:52:00.000-04:00

We haven't eaten any yet, but I've now collected 4 mini-eggs from the Wyandotte. She seems to lay them between 10:30 and 11 am; if I go out there any earlier, she's sitting on the little nest she scooped out of the pine shavings in the coop.

I have to say... There's nothing cooler than collecting an egg that's still warm from the hen who laid it.

Backyard chickens: We have eggs!

2010-10-13T12:04:00.000-04:00

After 5 months of not-so-patiently waiting, on Monday morning, I found our first egg! It was tiny, smaller than a medium supermarket egg, but it was perfect. I am disproportionately excited. You'd think I had laid that egg myself! Yesterday, I accidentally left the coop door open overnight, so the girls scampered out at first light, and the mystery layer must have laid an egg somewhere in the woods or bushes instead of in the coop. But today I kept them shut in. At 9:30 I went out to check on them, and my Wyandotte was sitting on a little impression she made in the pine shavings. She's the most shy, but she didn't move when I came to the window. I left to give her some privacy.

And by 11, we had another egg!

Our first eggs! The first is on the bottom, today's is above it. The white ones are extra large eggs from the market.

If I get another tomorrow I'll have enough for some scrambled eggs, so I'll take some comparison shots of our homegrown eggs with the farmer's market "all natural, cage-free" eggs. The market operation isn't free-range, so I'll be interested to see the difference.

Christmas gift-giving poem and simplifying holiday shopping

2010-10-10T11:10:00.000-04:00

Something you want,
Something you need,
Something to wear,
Something to read.

I just came across this poem on a message board, and I really like it. Shayne and I have been discussing (even before we had a child) how to keep Christmas from turning into a toy explosion. Obviously, the Christmas season is about Christ, but we do believe that giving generously is an expression and celebration of God's gifts to us. So we're not anti-gift. We just want to keep it in control for the little guy. Especially since he's way too young to even know and appreciate what's going on!

This year, I'm determined to avoid the "It's two weeks before Christmas, what on Earth do I get so-and-so!" scramble. One one hand, I hate thinking about Christmas this early, since it's not even Halloween. But, on the other, I want to select thoughtful gifts for the people I love. And I simply cannot do that when I'm pressed for time and caught up in the rest of the holiday rush. We stay pretty calm about Christmas here, but with work, the baby, and other family commitments, we do get pressed for time. And unless someone is saving for something large, I REFUSE to get gift cards. The only thing less personal is cash.

So, I got my Grandma's gift over the summer, and I just bought my mom's a few days ago. I've got a LONG way to go, but at least it's a start!

The Dream

2010-10-08T20:25:00.000-04:00

While I am much, MUCH happier with our house and property now than I was a year ago, I still have this dream of buying a house in the middle of nowhere. We've been trying like crazy to simplify our lives, both physically in terms of excess possessions, as well as spiritually/emotionally. It's harder than I expected. Between work, family obligations, and my personal desires, I often feel like I'm being torn in two or three directions. And our "stuff"... We already have less than many people I know, but we still have some clutter and junk that we don't need or use. It's a work in progress. Thankfully, the living spaces of our home are pretty clutter free (excepting the kitchen, which seems to collect crap like nowhere else), and they feel much more serene as a result.

But the embodiment of the simplicity dream, for me, is a cabin in the woods. On vacations Up North as a child, we almost always stayed in vintage cottages - places with more charm than convenience. There was one that had a makeshift bathroom on the screened-in back porch. There was a tub on one side, a sink and toilet on the other, and the main entrance to the cabin ran right down the middle. Another place didn't even have a tub. Or a shower. We bathed in the lake every time we stayed there. We lived through rickety beds, mismatched furnishings that wouldn't fetch a dime at the Salvation Army store,and cranky vintage appliances for a week or two every summer. And I loved it.

So when I was perusing the real estate ads (bad idea, I know) and found an "Up North Cottage" for sale right in the area where Shayne and I hope to someday move... I fell in love. Hard.

It's small, about 800 square feet including an addition, but it has more than enough personality to make up for it's size. There's a fireplace, knotty pine paneled walls, hardwood floors, a vintage kitchen with drainboard sink, and 20 acres of meadows and woods surrounding it. It's the closest I could ever get to Up North here in Indiana.

It was on the market forever. And then one day, when I checked the ads for the first time in a while, it was gone. I mulled it over for a few weeks, then decided to call the realtor to see if it had sold or just went off the market for a while.

Nobody's bought it yet; the seller is just taking a break.

Maybe there's still hope.

The Great Purge of 2010

2010-10-02T00:00:00.000-04:00

We have bulemia of possessions. In the week before Ethan's first birthday party, Shayne decided to go through his boxes in the basement and get rid of everything he doesn't want or need. I organized the dining room and bathroom. The end result was a monster pile of trash in front of our house on trash day, plus a load of stuff for Goodwill. Most of it was Shayne's. I don't know what he tossed, but I know that two shelving units in the basement are now empty. Impressive.

What has been really great is how peaceful our house feels without the clutter. We've already started to reaccumulate junk on the dining room table again, so I'm making a serious effort to keep that area clear. It's so hard, since it's just the natural dumping ground for mail, baby toys, or anything else that we happen to be holding when we come into the house. But it's also the first room we really see when we come in the back door, so when it's not cluttered, it just makes the house feel more welcoming.

I still need to get rid of more clutter. It's like a snowball effect; the more you clear out and organize, the more you realize you still need to do. But we're getting there.

Fifth Housiversary

2010-09-24T22:01:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it's been 5 years since we bought the house. The actual date we took possession was August 24, 2005, so I'm a little late (imagine that!).

This has been by far the busiest year since we bought the house. First, and most important, we had a baby! Ethan is turning 1 next week, and I can't imagine my life without him. He has a wonderful, happy personality, and he's incredibly curious and adventurous. He crawls everywhere, gets into everything, and needs constant watching to ensure he doesn't inadvertently kill himself (which on some days it seems he's intent on doing!). Parenthood is awesome, and I'm looking forward to the next year of this never-ending project.

Our next biggest project was the upstairs closet shuffle, which is functionally complete but still a cosmetic nightmare. We installed Rubbermaid modular rods and shelving in both bedroom closets, and everything is painted. I have the doors for the office closet, but haven't yet found any for the bedroom. We also don't have the molding back up, although Shayne did fabricate matching trim for the doorways.

But we finally got the upstairs floors refinished!! I hired out the sanding but did the shellacking on my own. They look so much better. They were never truly awful (except for the office floor), but the polyurethane was really lacking in depth and color.

My favorite project of the year was one I did very little work on and has nothing to do with the house itself. We took the plunge and got chickens, so Shayne built me a beautiful, big chicken coop. My girls aren't laying yet, but should start soon. The neighbors all think they're entertaining, so we let them free-range. They do go a little farther than I thought... Thye've been sighted as far away as the bar or the church at the corner, and once in a while a neighbor will shoo them home. But they come running when they see me, which is nothing short of hilarious. They stick their necks out and run straight at me, clucking for treats. Our neighbors across the street laugh every time they see it, and Shayne calls me the chicken whisperer.

The girls in their run

Shayne's favorite project is probably the shed. He's still building it, but he wanted a place to store the riding mower, push mower, and garden tools. Personally I think our garage is plenty big enough, but I'm not sure I have enough testosterone to say that with any authority. I'm not complaining. He's building it, it will match the chicken coop, and it makes him happy to build it. And the more building experience he gets, the less likely it is that we'll have to pay someone to help us with house projects.

In the past year, we've also managed to flood the kitchen twice more, resulting in laminate flooring that will never, ever be the same. Shayne bought some tiles to temporarily repair the messed up ceiling (I say "temporarily" because that entire room's days are numbered. I cannot wait to gut it. And the bathroom...), but Lowes no longer carries that particular color laminate. The boards themselved don't look awful, but the tongue-and-groove part is damaged from the water. We're going to try cutting off the tongues to see if we can just get it to lay flat until we totally remodel. And we're going to have a clean-out installed in the main drain to prevent future back-ups. And maybe a check valve in the dishwasher line so it can't back-up. Ever. Because if this had happened in my newly remodeled kitchen, I'd have a heart attack.

We added 4 more raised beds to the single one from last year. I only planted a small garden this year, but harvested over 30 lbs of roma tomatoes. My broccoli kind of fried in the heat, but the plants are still alive, and I have some hope for a fall harvest. I also had a bumper crop of green beans. I put up strawberry and raspberry jams, strawberry ice cream or cheesecake topping, cherry butter, pasta sauce, applesauce, and apple butter. I still have corn and peaches left from last year. I didn't freeze anything except the 7 chickens my friend raised. We're in the process of rebuilding our food storage, since we've been using it more than rotating it...!

Another ongoing project (if you can call it that) is getting organized. We've now lived here long enough to know how we use the house, so we've really started to pare down our belongings. I'm saving 90% of Ethan's clothes, toys, and gear, but getting rid of most anything we haven't used in the past year. I thoroughly reorganized the bedrooms, kitchen, dining room, living room, and bathroom, and we're working on the back porch/laundry room and basement. Some of it is really difficult. There are things that you only use occasionally, but it would be silly to get rid of. And other things, like tools and renovation supplies (paint removers, sandpaper, etc) that I wish I didn't need, but I do. But we're getting there...

In the next year, I'd really like to finish the upstairs. Completely. And install our "new" prairie-style front door. That's all.

My new love

2010-09-16T23:21:00.000-04:00

Please excuse the crappy cell phone photo, but I just had to share my newest Craigslist find...

I love Craigslist. In case you can't tell from the picture, it's a quarter-sawn oak, Mission-style secretary. In near-perfect condition. I'll take a better photo when I get my camera back from my mom, but be assured that it is gorgeous. I love how antique furniture looks so at home in this house. Whenever I get a new piece, it fits right in like it's been here forever.

I couldn't find any pictures, but this corner used to house a little "linen cabinet" that we bought while still living in our rental hovel. It was about a third as wide and only had one drawer. I tried to use it to organize mail and paperwork, but it was just too small. I was able to fit everything (except the things I threw away!) inside the new desk, and it's now neatly organized. I ended up pitching about 30 pens, which I feel bad about, but we just had way too many. I swear they multiply. We had pens from politicians, from businesses, and God-alone-knows-where-else. I saved about 5 decent ones and put them in a pottery cup on the top, then tucked 10 or so more in one of the interior drawers. That is plenty and will probably last us the next 5 years.

Saturday is going to be an organizational extravaganza. My mom is watching Ethan almost all day, so I'm going to go through the cupboards on the back porch and reorganize everything. I'm hoping to do the same in the bathroom. And the "office". And the buffet in the dining room. Since I'll have about 8 hrs, I'm should be able to make my way through just about the entire house. I don't have to worry about cleaning, since I've managed to keep up with housework this week, just all the other little things that never seem to get done and then turn into big ordeals. Thankfully, I've already taken care of the kitchen, our bedroom, Ethan's room, and the basement pantry.

Shayne watched an episode of "Hoarders" last night, and told me today that he's determined to go through the basement and get rid of his junk and organize what he is keeping. I'm amazed. I thought he'd hang onto that stuff forever. Maybe I should arrange for monthly viewings of the show to keep him motivated!

Busy and tired...

2010-09-11T16:44:00.000-04:00

I never realized just how hard it would be to accomplish anything with a baby around. Even with the use of baby carriers (which I can't figure out how some moms do without) I still just can't seem to accomplish as much as I feel like I should. I haven't canned or frozen nearly as much food as I wanted to. There are tomatoes and green beans out in the garden waiting to be picked. I did get 7 quarts of spaghetti sauce canned last week, using only tomatoes that I grew. That was a great feeling. I've still got a few quarts left from last year, so I think I'm all set. I found out that I don't eat as much marinara sauce as I thought I did!

I did make lots of jam, and I still have a half flat of raspberries in the freezer. My grandma loves my jam, and I think she's been eating about twice as much as I have! It's just about time to send her some more.

I've also been busy just doing routine maintenence-type chores. The freezer needed to be defrosted, which was a huge chore since the door didn't shut all the way at one time, and there were MASSIVE blocks of ice holding everything together on 2 of the shelves. I also checked and organized my basement pantry in preparation for winter. I don't anticipate such a huge snowstorm this winter that we would be homebound for a month, but I'd rather be safe than sorry. I should stock up on baby formula next time it's on sale, just in case. It was so much easier (and cheaper) when I was nursing... I should also make sure we have enough kerosene. We usually keep about 30 gallons on-hand in the winter. If nothing else, Shayne will use it out in his garage workshop.

Yesterday I edged the 75' long driveway and our front sidewalk. Using a shovel. It was nice enough that I could just plop Ethan on the grass, and he thought it was hysterical when I would jump on the shovel to dig it in. I filled the wheelbarrow 4 times with all the overgrown grass, and our front sidewalk is 30% bigger. I had no idea that so much grass had grown over the concrete, since we haven't edged in the 5 years we've lived here. Yeek.

But the list of things-to-be-done still keeps growing. I don't even want to get into it, since there are things on there that I've been needing to do for about 2 years. I am taking some time off towards the end of the month, though, and I'm absolutely determined to have all of the living room woodwork back up and the stairway shellacked by the time I go back to work.

Attitude problem

2010-08-21T23:50:00.000-04:00

I know that patience is a virtue... It's just not one of mine.

But I think I'm finally coming to grips with the idea that we're not going to be moving for another few years. I want to. I really, REALLY want to. But we have a few factors in our personal and professional lives that make waiting a much wiser idea. I've known this for a while, but I'm actually starting to believe it, if you understand the difference.

So, in order to make our time here more bearable, I've been working on my attitude. Towards the eternally unfinished house, the neighborhood, and the neighbors. It was either that or go crazy making myself miserable. What started it was taking an acquaintence on a little mini-tour of my "neighborhood". I use the term loosely, since we live in the county and we have the same number of people in a square mile as cities might have in a 3-block radius. But showing the area to someone who had never seen it kind of let me see it the way I did when we first moved here. And what I saw surprised me.

Although there are some hilbillies around, we really do live in a nice neighborhood. Not subdivision nice, but rural-ish nice. Almost all of the houses are well-cared-for, and the people are friendly. Our house, with flowers blooming all around and a messy veggie garden (and in spite of the 80s facade), looks cute from the street. We're surrounded by woods and hills instead of the flat cornfields that make up most of the rural areas here. And by the roads, our house is less than 3/4 mile from the lake.

Speaking of the lake... When we first moved out here, I wanted to get a membership to the conservation club so that I could use the beach there. We'd also taked about getting kayaks and paddling around. I used to walk down to the boat launch, just to look at the water. After all, what good is living by a nice lake if you never use it? And so, 5 years after moving in, I finally got a membership to the conservation club. I don't plan on hanging out at their bar with the locals, but they have nice grounds and a sandy beach. A few days ago I walked down and took Ethan for a swim in the morning before work. We had the whole place to ourselves, and he had a blast.

Tonight Shayne and I got home at around 8 pm, and the bar was in full swing. But in an oddly appropriate twist, they had a rockin blues band, so it was actually nice to be able to hear the show from our backyard. I sat out for a while to listen until the bugs got too bad.

Living in the here-and-now is not my strong point. I can't help but be thinking about what I'd like to do, planning ahead, and dreaming about the future. But now that I've taken time to really look at what is... It's not so bad.

In fact, I kind of like it.

Living small

2010-08-15T16:03:00.000-04:00

Every year since I was 4, my mom and I have headed "Up North" for vacation during the summer (and more recently, sometimes in the fall and winter as well). For those of you not from Michigan, "Up North" is how we refer to the northern portion of the lower penninsula (not to be confused with the upper penninsula, which is the U.P.). For us, Up North is the Leelanau Penninsula, the "little finger" of Michigan. It's a beautiful area, surrounded by Lake Michigan and sand dunes, pockmarked with crystal-clear spring-fed lakes, and decorated with woods and orchards of cherry trees. It's my favorite place in the world.

This year it's really made me examine how we live our life.

We stayed in a very cute little cabin. It was probably built in the 1920s, and it had lots of charm and character, including a 1950s stove. It was small, maybe 600 square feet, but it didn't feel cramped. It was cozy, but in a good way. It had everything we needed (except space to hang clothes, but it was a vacation cabin, so whatever), and nothing we didn't. I wanted to stay forever.

About a week after getting home, I went to a house to take a burglary report. This house was maybe 1200 square feet, with a very open floor plan, so it wasn't even large by today's standards. But what struck me about this house was how calm and peaceful it felt inside. There were comfortable furnishing, but nothing extraneous. A few tasteful pieces of art were displayed on the walls and on a bookcase, but there was NO CLUTTER. None.

These two homes have really inspired me to try and cut out the clutter from our home. I spontaneously deconstructed the kitchen one night last week and completely rearranged the cupboards and got rid of a bit of junk. It's one of the hardest rooms to declutter, since you really have to keep some things that you only use once in a while (turkey platter, certain servingware, my big canning kettle). But do I really need the golden retriever mug that I got when I was 12? Not so much. Three sets of mixing bowls? Probably not. I also got rid of any storage containers that were missing lids, and any lids I didn't have a container for. And by moving some things from one cabinet to another, the cupboards look much nicer and are much better organized. All of the food prep items are together, the servingware has a cabinet to itself, and all of the drinkware (cups, mugs, and such) are in one place.

Of course, the floor still looks like shit after the flood. The cheapo laminate will never recover. There are pieces that don't fit back together because they swelled, and the edges on every plank are raised. It looks bad. Combined with the hole in the ceiling, we're really rocking the white trash kitchen look. But at least my cabinets are organized!

We're still not sure what we're going to do in the kitchen. We're not prepared for a full remodel, but now that Ethan is crawling... Ugh. We're going to have to do something. I just don't know what.

Next on my decluttering list is the basement. I have a few boxes of stuff that I never seem to look in. I think I'm just not going to look and trash it all. I hate being like that, since I like to donate items that could be used. But if I look, I know I'll never get rid of it. And it obviously means nothing to me, since it's been boxed away since we moved into the Prairie Box. Seriously, if I haven't looked at it in 6 years, do I really want it? Or... Maybe I'll limit myself to one rubbermaid container of "memorabilia". Then I don't have to get rid of everything, but I can keep a few items that are important but not really displayable. I think I'll try that tonight and see how it works out.

Water woes, etc.

2010-08-02T00:54:00.000-04:00

Two nights ago, we had a mini-disaster... The main drain clogged, and the entire contents of our bathtub ended up backing up into the dishwasher, pouring out into the kitchen, and seeping down into the basement.

BIG mess.

Our cheapo laminate floor is ruined, which isn't a huge deal since it only cost us $125 anyways. But it's just one more thing to make the house look crappy until we get around to replacing it. Hopefully that will be soon. The drain folks are coming out tomorrow morning, so we'll see what happens.

In other news, Shayne found trim to match the existing stuff at the ReStore, so he trimmed out the closets this weekend. It's starting to look finished! We still have to find doors, but at least we're moving along. Maybe in a day or so I'll take the remainder of the painted trim to the Strip Shoppe so that it can get nekkid.

The chickens are doing well and have expanded their range into our neighbors' yards. Thankfully none of them mind, but we've apparently been the topic of several conversations at the bar down the street. I never thought that chickens would be the talk of the town, but I guess there's not a lot going on here...! I'm just glad that nobody is bothered by them, though I do worry a bit that they'll venture out into the road and get hit.

The meat birds out at the 5-Oh Farm are also doing well and should be ready to butcher in 2 weeks or so. Jay has decided to take them down to Wakarusa for processing, since his Whiz-bang chicken plucker isn't finished. We should still get fresh, semi-free range, hormone/antibiotic-free birds for less than $7 each. He had extra, so we're getting 20 now instead of 10 (but splitting with my mom). I really wanted to learn how to butcher, but maybe next year. I'm thinking about getting a few of the "Freedom Ranger" chicks and raising them myself. Too soon to decide.

Backyard chickens: The finished coop

2010-06-23T10:17:00.000-04:00

I haven't been posting about this as dilligently as I should. Although the idea and the building plans were mine, Shayne did nearly everything for this project. Basically I provided design consultation, but all of the labor was his. I would have liked to help a lot more, but we are almost never home at the same time anymore. And when we were, I watched the baby so he could work on the coop.

And he did a wonderful job.

You can see the girls through the coop window... They're waiting impatiently for me to come let them range the yard. The window will soon have a real casement window that will open upwards (is that still a casement?) to allow airflow without letting in the rain. We're using vintage windows that my mom happened to have in her garage, but we need to reglaze them.

The little door in the back is the egg door. Once the girls start laying, we'll have nest boxes right inside that door so that we can retrieve eggs without entering the run.

The access door for humans is on the far right.

And you can see the chicken ladder inside the run that the hens use to get into the coop.

I'll add a more detailed post soon with more pictures, design features, and construction details. It was too buggy outside this morning to get more pictures.

Backyard chickens: Update

2010-06-20T11:37:00.000-04:00

The girls spend most of every day on pest patrol in the side yard. Since this is where the garden is, I'm thrilled with their choice! Since the mulberries have started coming on, they can almost always be found right under the mulberry tree, eating berries and flies.

The neighbor's kids came over yesterday to help with storm clean-up. By the time they left, they were both begging their mom to let them have chickens too. I'm really surprised at how much kids like the hens. I figured in today's electronic society, they'd just think the chickens were boring. I'm so glad to be proven wrong!

Quiet Saturday night

2010-06-12T23:13:00.000-04:00

Today is one of those days where I feel like I could live here forever. From where I sit in the dining room, I can hear frogs croaking out the open kitchen window. Oddly enough for a Saturday night, the bar isn't in full swing. Maybe it's the storms we had earlier. Whatever it is, I'm grateful. Even though I'm looking forward to the day when we own enough of our own property far enough away from "civilization" for frogs to be the main background noise, tonight I'm just happy to be where I am. The veggies are growing, the chickens are roosting in their coop, the baby is asleep (for now), and the hot and humid weather has been replaced with cool and clear.

I'm content.

Vacation? What vacation?

2010-06-03T11:13:00.000-04:00

Today's my last day of my 12 day vacation. I think I did everything but relax! The chicken coop is nearly done, and the house is secured for the chicks to stay out there instead of in the kitchen (YAY!!). Having them in the house was cute for about a week, then the constant peeping started driving me mad. We also had the floors sanded, and I applied 6 coats of dewaxed shellac (Zinsser SealCoat) to them. My knees and back were killing me for about 4 days. I'm still working on moving all of the stuff out of the living room, but the upstairs is MUCH more organized now. I have 2 Rubbermaid containers of things that I can't unpack yet, since we don't have a desk for office supplies or a bookshelf for the books, but I suppose 2 organized containers is better than 2 rooms full of unsorted junk, right?

Yesterday I got more tomatoes and the broccoli planted, and I found a volunteer lettuce that sprouted from seed in a flower pot. The peas aren't growing, and I'm not sure why. We've had plenty of rain...

Today... I don't know. I'd like to take it easy and relax, but it's kind of hard with all my chores staring me in the face...

The floors are done!

2010-06-01T13:16:00.000-04:00

No more chickens in the house!!

2010-05-31T23:25:00.000-04:00

My buff Orpington and black Australorp check out the new "roost" that fell from the tree during a storm today

Upstairs floors: progress report

2010-05-27T23:21:00.000-04:00

The sanders came at about 11:30 this morning and were here for at least 6 hours. I was kind of surprised, since I don't remember the living room sanding taking very long. But it might have seemed like less time since I was the one doing it. Plus it was a smaller area, and unlike the upstairs, it wasn't broken up into little rooms and closets. By 6:30 pm I had freshly sanded floors, and it was time for me to get to work. I swept again, then put on my first coat of shellac. I don't have any photos of the fresh shellac (I'll get some tomorrow), but here is a shot of each room with the newly-naked pine.

More shellac tomorrow!

Floor sanding today!

2010-05-27T23:02:00.000-04:00

And I don't have to do it this time! Lately we've been taking the "Y" out of DIY and just paying people to get it done. This was supposed to be finished last summer. Before I had the baby. Yeah...

But at least it's finally going to happen. The crew will be here sometime after 11 am, so we emptied the entire upstairs into the living room.

Thank God it's temporary. I cannot believe there are people who live like this all the time. Granted, they probaby don't have 2 large dogs, a cat, a boxful of chicks, and a baby, but still.

And speaking of the boxful of chicks... The coop is nearing completion! [insert happy dance here] We're done painting except for the trim that we will put up over the exposed ends of the hardware cloth, and then we just have to staple up the wire and glaze and install the windows. The girls will be in there within a few days. I can't wait. They're very cute, but the constant cheeping is making me crazy. I've never had a bird as a pet, and I can now promise you that the only birds we'll ever have will be yard birds. There's no way I would tolerate this all the time. 3 weeks is plenty.

I finally got the tomatoes planted (Thanks Mom #2!), and I'm thinking that another 6 plants wouldn't be a bad thing. I'm going to have romas everywhere in August, but I plan on making lots of sauce. I still need to get a pepper plant or two, and maybe potatoes if I can find them. I'm kind of late... As usual.

More later...

2010-05-23T23:07:00.000-04:00

We don't meet with the realtor til tomorrow, but I already know that the 19 acre property isn't meant to be. I went to walk around it again a few days ago, and after I left, I just got this feeling... And I knew we should wait. So we will. But we're keeping our appointment anyways, since we want to talk with the realtor in person about exactly what we're looking for. As far as I know there's nothing on the market right now that matches it. Which is good, since we're obviously not ready to move. Or rather, we are, but the house isn't...

But we'll be at least one step closer by the end of the week! The floor sanders come on Thursday, so I should be done shellacking the upstairs by Sunday or Monday. It's going to be a huge mess with all of the upstairs furniture sitting in the living room and dining room. I think we're going to have to move in with my mom for a few days, since there won't be any room at all downstairs. That unfortunately means I can only apply one coat of shellac per day (otherwise I'd be driving back and forth way too much), but each coat will have plenty of time to dry.

I'm not looking forward to this, but at least we'll be done with the major work upstairs. One step closer...!

My brain hurts...

2010-05-20T23:46:00.000-04:00

Well, we might be nuts, but we've set up an appointment to check out the house with 19 acres. I'm of two minds about it. On one hand, if it's a dump I can stop thinking about it. On the other... If it's livable and has potential, I'm going to drive myself more crazy than I already have been.

Here's the Good: The property itself is pretty much everything I could want. With 19 acres, there's plenty of room for a pond, livestock, outbuildings... whatever. With the little barn and the littler barn, we could get some of those livestock without having to build anything to house them. Two car garage, trees for shade, and no neighbors. The closest one is about a quarter mile away. No more bar, no more trains, no more Metallica at 2:30 am (Nothing against Metallica, but I don't like it blaring in the middle of the night when I'm trying to sleep). There's also a fireplace and a big mudroom/laundry area. It's within the 5 mile radius of town that allows Shayne to keep his take-home car, and it's also near the highway that goes into the city for easy shopping. Even though it's about 7 miles further out than our current house, they're all highway miles so it wouldn't be a hassle to run errands.

The Bad is that the house is quite probably a little smaller than the house we're in now. Only a partial basement, but there is a walk-up attic. No workshop outside, and I'm not sure there's space for Shayne to have his "Man Cave"/LED workshop inside. It's also a 1950s house, which here in backwards Indiana means it looks like a '40s house. I don't have a huge issue with that, but it just doesn't have the character of a bungalow. But since this house is in need of updating anyways, I could always add architectural details. And maybe raise the roof and finish the attic.

The Ugly: the septic. Just having walked around the property, I know the septic needs to be updated/replaced. The existing one is concrete block-lined holes in the ground. I know that's pretty much what we have in the Prairie Box, but at least ours is buried. These you can see into from the yard. Yeek...

I dunno if this house is "The One". But it's definitely got me motivated to finish work on the Prairie Box so that when The One comes along we'll be ready. It's also really solidified in my mind that I want a farm. My mental picture is of an old farmhouse or bungalow amidst rickety old outbuildings, but my logical side knows that would be too much work. A guy I work with bought a house with an old barn. The barn is in good shape, but there are lots of gaps in the siding where the boards have shrunk. The cheapest estimate to make it weathertight again?? $13,000. So large barns or many buildings would be very expensive to maintain, and aren't really worth the postcard look.

And as much as I love old houses, and am dying to own a bungalow or another foursquare, I'm willing to compromise if we can find the right piece of property. You can always change a house, but you can't make a piece of property bigger, or change the neighbors, or its proximity to bars and railroad tracks. When they say that location is everything, they ain't kidding.

Ugh. Lots to think about. I'm looking forward to Monday, so I can see what this stupid house looks like and get my head together. Even if I still want this property, at least it'll be with full disclosure instead of all this wondering.

Making butter (in a blender!)

2010-05-19T09:55:00.000-04:00

Add this one to the list of things I never thought I'd do...! But it was very easy, and I'm thinking that this will probaby turn out to be a bi-weekly thing. Or maybe I'll do it every week to get up a freezer stash for winter baking...

Here's how to do it:

Step 1: Use a turkey baster or ladle to remove the cream from the top of the milk. Put into separate container and leave out on the counter for about 12 hrs. This allows the cream to sour slightly and will give the butter a more "buttery" flavor.

Step 2: Pour cream into the blender and mix on medium for several minutes. You will notice the consistency start to change and become thicker. The little curds of butter will rise to the top when you stop the blender.

Step 3: Use a spoon to scoop out the butter curds and place them into a separate bowl. Using the spoon, squeeze all the buttermilk out of the butter.

Step 4: Rinse with cold water, then work the water out of the butter. Rinse until the water runs clear.

Below is a comparison shot. My butter is on the left, Meijer organic butter is on the right. I'm guessing that the beta carotene from the cows eating grass accounts for the brighter yellow color in my butter.

I used about 16 oz of cream and ended up with around half to two-thirds cup of butter. Now I've got to figure out what to do with my buttermilk... Pancakes anyone?

Real milk!!

2010-05-18T23:17:00.000-04:00

I got my first "delivery" of milk today! It came out of the cow yesterday morning, and I picked it up today at the farmer's market. I'm pretty excited about this whole "real" milk thing. The idea of being able to make my own butter, yogurt, and cheese seems sort of incredible. But by simply buying non-homogenized, un-skimmed milk, it's opened up a huge realm of possibilities.

Even though the picture was taken on my cell phone, you can still see that there's a good 1"+ of cream at the top of each jar. Time to learn to make butter!

2010-05-16T23:17:00.000-04:00

The weather was perfect today, even early this morning, so I plopped Ethan on a blanket outside and did a little work in the garden. We got our truck fixed this week, so yesterday Shayne and I picked up and unloaded another truckload of dirt, which filled 2 of the beds. A third was nearly filled, so I think a half load will finish us up. Finally. This morning I planted my peas, carrots, and lettuce, plus leveled the beds. While I was messing around in them, I found lots of worms, so I know the soil is good! I'll be planting my tomatoes soon, and I'm planning on a fall crop of broccoli and maybe spinach. Not as much as I wanted to plant this year, but.... eh, life happened.

Shayne's also been busy on the chicken coop. It now is fully enclosed!! Only another week and the girls can take up residence!! I can't wait to have them out of the house, because Ares is about ready to climb into the brooder and eat them. Awful dog.

And in other news... We've scheduled our floor sanding for May 26. I'm off work for 12 days, and that falls right in the middle. If all goes well, we should have a newly shellacked upstairs floors and staircase by June!!

Life in the Prairie Box

The lost art of hospitality

Modern homesteading: Empowering or enslaving?

Ready? Not.

More musings on where we're going

Almost meal planning: week 3

Almost meal planning: progress report

Pretty Boy meets The Girls

What I Want

Our life, in a nutshell

We're getting a rooster!

Almost meal planning

Ethan's vocabulary

Things to make my life easier

More organizational ramblings

Our poor bathroom...

Organizing. The never-ending chore.

The time has come

Winter is coming

House. Work.

More bad news

House of cards?

Nickle and dimed (with some extra zeroes)

Two weeks

Carrying on...

The story of the twins: Part 10

The story of the twins: Part 9

The story of the twins: Part 8

The story of the twins: Part 7

The story of the twins: Part 6

The story of the twins: Part 5

The story of the twins: Part 4

The story of the twins: Part 3

The story of the twins: Part 2

The story of the twins: Part 1

Happy solstice!

"New" prairie-style front door

Oh. My.

Priorities...

Salvage score: cast iron bath tub

Kitchen mini-reno sneak peek

The tagline of this blog should be...

Demolition auction score!

Ready? Or not?

*irked*

Decluttering update

Improving the kitchen

Making an herbal healing salve

My salvaging experiment

In which I actually do something house-related (!!)

The uncertain future

My future homestead: the passive solar home

So maybe Laura Ingalls had it worse...

More thoughts on selling

The Long Winter

Thoughts on selling

The basement organizing spree: Stuck

More basement cleaning, decluttering, and organizing

New basement storage shelves

The end of the world! And other rambling thoughts on self-sufficiency...

2011 in 2011

Reducing clutter and rethinking our "stuff"

It seems to have snowed...

Backyard chickens: Another hen homicide

Backyard Chickens: Rainbow Eggs

Backyard Chickens: New Additions

150 things out of the house!

Almost Christmas

Merry Christmas from the backyard chickens!

150 by Christmas

Chickens in the snow

Year in Review: Homestead Harvest

Toddling along...

The Monster Egg

Backyard chickens: More eggs coming soon!

Backyard chickens: Scrambled eggs!

Backyard chickens: Yard fresh eggs!

Backyard chickens: We have eggs!

Christmas gift-giving poem and simplifying holiday shopping

The Dream

irked